


Full Circle

by Angstqueen



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Season 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 14:51:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2472206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angstqueen/pseuds/Angstqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony made the first move in their relationship. When he suffers a memory loss, will Gibbs be able to make the next move or will they revert to being co-workers once again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Full Circle

**Author's Note:**

> This is not canon-compliant past the events of "Nature of the Beast". The idea for this fic hit me three summers ago when I remembered the real-life case of the married couple who had the accident and the wife suffered severe amnesia, losing all memory of meeting and marrying her husband. They decided to begin dating again and fell in love and got married a second time. I've wanted to write it in a few of my fandoms but NCIS and Tony/Gibbs were the first that really screamed out to me. 
> 
> This is dedicated to my always-supportive ladymate, HAWartist. She is my rock, my biggest cheerleader and I couldn't have done this without her.
> 
> Beta'd by the wonderful kesterpan, who went way above and beyond to stay up with me until it was within WORDS of being done. Any mistakes are solely MINE. 
> 
> To my cheerleaders, onlyonechoice, dont_hate_me_01 and clgfanfic, you guys rock. You held my hand and soothed my brow and-- basically KICKED MY ASS until I got this done. :) 
> 
> My artist, rose_malmaison. Wow. I am a lucky lucky person. She had her artwork done early and it provided lovely inspiration for me! I really suck at adding in links but go here: http://rose-malmaison.livejournal.com/111060.html to view her companion art and be sure to leave feedback for her! Be advised it is NOT safe for work. Yum!! 
> 
> Sorry for the long note but this story wouldn't have been possible without help from the above! :)

Tony bolted awake with a yell dying strangled in his throat. He blinked away the fading images of dark alleys, bullets and falling and bloody bodies with a moan as awareness returned. The throbbing in his head added to the rolling nausea in his stomach and without conscious thought he rolled over and grabbed the small trashcan under the nightstand. When he’d finished vomiting he weakly pushed the offending receptacle away, hurting and too spent to roll over. He vaguely registered footsteps, only then recalling he was in Gibbs’ guest room.

“Oh shit,” he whispered, still not moving.

“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

The older man helped him to the bathroom, made sure he was steady enough, then went back and changed the sheets and took the garbage can down to the oversized sink in the laundry room to clean it.

Upon his return a few minutes later, he found DiNozzo leaning against the bathroom doorway. The younger man looked white and exhausted, painfully reminding Gibbs of the long-ago aftermath of pneumonic plague. 

“They let you out too soon?” Gibbs wondered. 

“No.” Tony clamped down on another wave of nausea. “Feels different.”

The other man eyed him closely but took him at his word. After all, DiNozzo was oriented to time and place and his pupils had seemed normal in the light of the bathroom. 

“Get some rest. I’ll be back later to check on you.”

“Not a kid,” Tony muttered, but Gibbs’ words stirred a warmth in his belly that he couldn’t deny. He was asleep again in seconds. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“He can’t keep anything down, Duck. Do I need to take him back to the hospital?” Gibbs paced the first floor of his house, trying to burn off the worry and frustration at his inability to help his friend. Over the past three hours, DiNozzo had brought up everything Gibbs had managed to get into him, including the painkiller for his various injuries.

“You’ve done concussion checks, Jethro. And you know him better than anyone, I’d wager. How has he seemed?” 

“Passed with flying colors. Knows who he is, knows who I am, the date. Remembers all too well how he ended up like this,” Gibbs ticked off the standard list.

“Well, I’d say it’s more than likely he picked up a gastrointestinal virus from the hospital,” the M.E. said. “Try small amounts of Gatorade or some warm, flat soda as well as saltine crackers. If he still cannot keep anything down by the morning then we will have to re-evaluate.”

“Isn’t there anything you can give him?” The too-frequent bouts of vomiting were aggravating Tony’s headache, and the movement jarred his injured shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, Jethro. It’s generally best to let these things run their course so long as the patient doesn’t become dangerously febrile or dehydrated. Call me if his condition worsens.”

Gibbs hung up, fighting the temptation to toss the phone against the wall. Seeing DiNozzo hurting and so sick was pulling down every barrier he had so carefully constructed since E.J. Barrett had arrived at the Navy yard all those months ago. While it was true that his knowledge of Barrett’s family background had been a major part of his objection to DiNozzo dating her, he also had been…jealous. Not an emotion he admitted to often. Certainly not where Anthony DiNozzo was concerned.

“Dammit, DiNozzo,” he muttered. 

A clatter from upstairs sent him running for the stairs, ignoring the protest from his bad knee.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tony dimly realized he was being sponged down again. Shit. He must have hurled and missed the can. Again.

“Sorry, boss,” he muttered. “Should’ve taken me back to the hospital after all.”

“Now I know you’re sick,” the older man said. “You looking for a head slap?”

“No, just shoot me,” DiNozzo begged. “Oh wait… someone already did.”

Gibbs grinned. At least Tony was making an effort at humor. That was more than he had managed earlier. He had also kept down a couple of crackers and a sip of Gatorade for almost an hour this time. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

“You’ll be fine.” Unable to resist any longer, Gibbs laid a gentle hand on Tony’s neck and lightly squeezed. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Gibbs called in and told Vance he wasn’t leaving DiNozzo alone in his present condition. Amazingly the Director agreed. There was nothing that couldn’t wait. Reports had already been submitted and agents were actively searching for E.J. Barrett but that wasn’t his team’s responsibility.

Around noon, DiNozzo surfaced from another vivid nightmare, sitting up too fast and groaning as every muscle in his upper torso rebelled in chorus. His stomach muscles were now competing with his shoulder and Tony honestly didn’t know which hurt worse.

“Shit, this sucks,” he ground out before realizing he wasn’t alone in the room.

Gibbs rose from the chair where he’d kept guard most of the night. “Shower might help. You up to one?” 

“Yeah, think so. Might, uh, need a hand with some things,” the younger man admitted. “Shoulder seems to have locked up on me.” That last came out in a hiss.

They reached the bathroom without incident. Gibbs started the water while Tony carefully stripped. Gibbs hiked an eyebrow when he turned and realized the younger man still had on his short sleeved tee shirt. 

“Plan to wash and wear, DiNozzo?” he wondered, then cursed himself silently. With that bad shoulder there was no way the other man could strip out of the tee shirt on his own. 

Rather than risk jostling Tony’s arm, and figuring it was a good target for his frustration, Gibbs grasped the hem of the shirt and ripped. He had to bite back a chuckle at DiNozzo’s wide-eyed stare but it disappeared in the next instant -- when he caught sight of the vivid bruising. The black and purple coloring covered a large portion of the left side of Tony’s chest, spreading up to the top of his shoulder. 

“Jesus, Tony,” he breathed, his hand instinctively reaching out to touch. Common sense kicked in and he stopped short. 

“I’m okay, boss. Vest, remember?” Tony tried to assure the man. He couldn’t remember seeing Gibbs look so haunted before. Certainly not on his account. 

“Go on and get cleaned up,” Gibbs responded gruffly. He couldn’t stay here another minute or he wouldn’t be able to trust that he could keep control, already fragile since he’d gotten the phone call from Dispatch that his Senior Field Agent had been injured and taken to Bethesda. 

Gibbs turned and stalked out of the room. He needed some time to think on what all of this meant. He needed time with his boat, dammit. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tony blinked in confusion. While he was accustomed to Gibbs’ abrupt departures when something had pissed him off, he wasn’t aware of doing anything to earn the man’s wrath. Unless… You dumbass! You’ve been puking all over him and keeping him awake AND he’s still short an agent.

With a frustrated sigh he turned the water up as hot as he could stand. Stepping in, he closed his eyes and let it wash over him. He could imagine his aches and pains being washed down the drain. 

He was able to wash and rinse his hair, one-handed, without much trouble. He carefully avoided the tender goose-egg where he’d hit the sidewalk. Washing his body was another matter as his left arm was close to useless for anything but the most basic movement. Still, he felt cleaner than he had in days. 

His thoughts strayed to Gibbs and his odd reactions over the past couple of days. Tony knew he was playing with fire. He’d always been attracted to the older man but had been careful to keep it hidden. Gibbs’ open concern while caring for Tony was definitely straining that ability to hide. 

Maybe… maybe it was time to stop hiding? 

Even as the thought flitted through his mind, Tony discounted it. Gibbs was attracted to women. Case closed. 

He turned off the water and reached for a towel to dry off. He got his left arm half-raised before it sharply reminded him. He lowered it then gasped as spasms pulled the muscles tight. “Ahh...shit!”

Tony tried to ride the pain out, but the intense cramps wouldn’t ease. The agony sent him to his knees. The knock at the door barely registered and before he could manage an answer, Gibbs pushed through and knelt at his side, taking in the situation at a glance. “Shoulder?” 

Tony nodded sharply.

Gibbs’ ran a hand over the younger man’s injured shoulder, feeling the bunched muscles. He kneaded and massaged them until he felt them relax, Tony’s relieved sigh further confirming he’d been successful.

Grabbing DiNozzo’s good right arm, he helped the man to his feet, then picked up the clothes he’d dropped in his haste to help. At the younger man’s raised eyebrow, he shrugged. “Looked like the easiest thing for you to wear.”

Tony grinned ruefully as he managed to get into the sweat pants and tee shirt. Right now he wasn’t about to argue.

Aware of Gibbs watching him, he thought he should feel self-conscious, but he didn't. They had showered and changed at the same time in the locker room more times than he could count. But this was different somehow, and there was definitely a charged feeling to the air that felt new. He knew for certain it wasn’t just him which meant something had shifted with Gibbs. Maybe he had been misreading the other man all along?

Gibbs didn’t try to back away. They were eye to eye -- thanks to Gibbs’ boots and Tony’s bare feet. 

this… Something’s different.”

Gibbs held his gaze for a long moment before nodding, his expression shifting to something almost uncertain. “Nearly lost you. Thought I had. Made me realize—“ He looked away and cleared his throat before meeting Tony’s gaze again. Taking a step and closing the gap between them, he reached out and brushed his knuckles against Tony’s cheek. “I care about you, Tony,” he rasped out. “More than I ever thought possible. More than I have any right to… I care.” Gibbs snapped his mouth shut, surprised he’d been able to say it. 

“Care?” Wondering at the context of the word, Tony studied the other man closely. For once Gibbs was easy to read and the depth of emotion stunned him. “Shit, you’re serious!”

Misinterpreting DiNozzo’s reaction as incredulous rejection, Gibbs turned to open the door but just as quickly found himself turned back, facing Tony. 

“Hey, me too,” the younger man whispered as he leaned in for a kiss. It was chaste and brief and neither knew who broke it off. Tony leaned his forehead against Gibbs. “Been wanting to do that for a while,” he admitted. 

“Yeah? You hid it well enough.” 

E.J. Both men heard the unspoken name between them.

Tony sighed, nodding his head. “We need to talk, but can we please not do it in here?” He gestured to their surroundings, reminding Gibbs they were still in his bathroom. His stomach rumbled, reminding them both that he’d had little to eat over the last 36 hours. 

“Food,” they agreed in unison.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Half an hour later, after cleaning up the light meal of soup and toast, Gibbs was the one to broach the subject again. “So… E.J.?” He leaned against the counter, keeping his arms at his sides to avoid appearing defensive. 

Tony looked up from where he sat at the table. “Wanting and having are not the same, Gibbs. I’ve wanted you, wanted to be with you, for a long time. Never figured it was possible. You’re straight. I’m not, I’m bi. E.J. was looking for a distraction and so was I.”

Gibbs mulled the answer over, finally nodding his understanding. 

“What about Rule 12?” Tony asked, needing to know.

The other man shrugged. “My rule. Mine to amend: If you break it, don’t be the one to initiate it. You kissed me.” 

DiNozzo looked shocked, then laughed heartily. “I did, didn’t I!”

Gibbs grinned widely, and a moment later found himself encased in a bear hug before he was kissed again, this time thoroughly. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ten days later

Gibbs stared at the steaming cup of coffee on his desk. He recognized the cup as being from his favorite store and he knew it was fixed exactly as he liked it. After all, the other cups left on his desk over the past three days bore the same features. He fought down a smile as he took a long sip, savoring the richly bitter drink. 

DiNozzo’s outdoing himself, he couldn’t help thinking. The younger man had been getting to work early after going out of his way to supply Gibbs with coffee. That particular shop was at least twenty minutes off DiNozzo's usual route. In addition, Tony had been dropping small but thoughtful gifts on his desk every few days, such as a ship in a bottle or a gift certificate for his coffee bean supplier among other surprises. 

They had agreed that despite their familiarity with each other, it would be better to take this new relationship a step at a time. It had been years since Jethro had really ‘dated’ anyone, but he wanted to be sure he and Tony were as compatible in their personal lives as they were on the job and DiNozzo had agreed.

To his surprise, Jethro found he enjoyed being the pursued rather than the pursuer. It didn’t surprise him to learn how well Tony knew him but it warmed his heart in an unexpected way. 

Grabbing the half-empty cup, Jethro headed down to Autopsy. Even if Ducky wasn’t in yet, it would give him a place to gather his thoughts before Tony returned and the rest of his team arrived. Feeling unusually invigorated, he decided to take the stairs.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ducky was in and making case notes at his desk. He looked up as the pressurized doors opened and smiled at his long-time friend. 

“Jethro! What brings you here so early and without a pending case?” the older man asked. 

“Am I interrupting, Duck?”

“Nonsense!” Gesturing to a nearby rolling stool, Ducky turned from his desk to face Gibbs. “It’s always a pleasure to see you.” Noticing the coffee cup, he smiled knowingly. “Ahhh, your secret admirer struck again, I see.”

“How do you know I didn’t stop and pick it up?” Gibbs asked, unaccountably annoyed. 

The M.E. chuckled and wagged his finger at Gibbs. “Now, now, Jethro…. I may be old but I’m not blind. I saw you come in with a cup from your usual diner. The two are sufficiently different, making it quite easy to differentiate between them.” 

Jethro rolled his eyes even as he took a long sip to cover his smirk. 

“Do you know who it is?” Ducky wondered. “And are you going to pursue her? Clearly she knows you better than most given the quality of the coffee.”

Gibbs nearly choked at Ducky’s words and spent a few minutes coughing to clear his windpipe. Fortunately the drama diverted the M.E. and allowed him to make his escape, claiming he had to be in the bullpen when his team arrived. 

As he entered the elevator he reflected that Ducky wasn’t closed-minded. On the contrary, the M.E. approved of love in many of its various shapes and sizes so knowing the gender of Gibbs’ suitor wouldn’t shock him. Still, Jethro wanted to keep it to himself for the moment especially since he hadn’t had a chance to talk to Tony about if, when and how to tell their friends. Hell, there really wasn’t much to tell yet.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tony stirred and opened his eyes, blinking until he could focus on the clock. 4 a.m. And if his fuzzy memory served it was Saturday. What the hell was he doing awake at this ungodly hour? Then a number of things registered, primarily that he wasn’t in his apartment and a distinct sound had woken him. 

Gibbs’ voice. He sounds…distressed.

That realization got Tony up and out of the guest room in the next breath. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d heard Gibbs sound even close to this. 

“Gibbs,” he called from the doorway. Common sense kept him from approaching closer. The other man was a trained Marine sniper. Creeping up on him, touching him in his sleep, both were likely to get one a busted nose at the very least. 

Tony took a step closer as Gibbs called out again. This time the words were easily distinguishable and they froze him in place.

“Tony! God, Tony… hang on. Just hang on. You don’t have permission. You can’t leave me…”

“Hey… Gibbs,” DiNozzo called, approaching the bed. “Gibbs, wake up.”

The other man rolled toward his voice but in the dim light from the window Tony could just make out his eyes were still closed.

“Gibbs!” Heart pounding, Tony sat on the far edge of the bed and stretched out a hand, lightly touching Gibbs’ nearest arm. “Jethro, c’mon… it’s a dream. I’m here. Wake up.” 

He wondered if this had been why Gibbs shut down the idea of them sleeping together last night. They still had yet to make love, but Gibbs had brought him back to his home after work when he’d realized Tony had a bad headache. They were getting fewer and farther apart and Tony could manage them but the older man had insisted. He had mother-henned Tony in a manly, Marine way, heating soup for him, making sure he had Advil, even giving him a scalp massage that had put Tony on the edge of sleep.

Tony had hoped to share the bed with Gibbs for the night even if it was platonically but the other man’s body language had made it plain he wasn’t comfortable with the thought. Knowing this was new territory, Tony hadn’t pushed. 

Backing away from the bed, Tony called, “Gibbs, rise and shine!”

That got a response and the other man bolted upright, panting and eyes wide. 

“Easy, Jethro…it was a dream.” Tony held his place, not wanting to spook his partner. 

“Dream,” Gibbs rasped. He buried his face in his hands. “God, it was so real, Tony.”

“Yeah, seemed like it.” Tony sat down on the edge of the bed. “Tell me?” For a long moment he thought the other man would refuse, then Gibbs scooted over and indicated Tony should sit next to him. He grasped Tony’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

“When I got to the scene they were loading you in a body bag. Your vest…” He cleared his throat and went on, “Your vest failed.”

Tony blinked several times even as he shifted closer. The old Gibbs would never have admitted to such a dream even knowing there had been a witness to it. To his surprise Gibbs pulled him into a hug, breathing deeply. 

“When I got the call about an injured agent I knew it was you,” the older man murmured. “They didn’t know your condition. Thought the bastard shot you in the head.”

“He didn’t.” DiNozzo hugged back, feeling his own chest tighten at the pain in Jethro’s voice. How had he missed how deeply Jethro cared for him? How had it taken so long for them to get to this point? It didn’t matter – what did matter was that they had found their way to each other. “I’m here. Right here. Not going anywhere.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ethro woke to the unfamiliar sensation of being held in someone’s arms. That was a switch. Usually he was the one doing the holding. He blinked slowly, wondering if he was dreaming. But no…there was definitely someone holding him. It was still very early morning and his sluggish brain wasn’t giving him clues. He shifted minutely and realized two things simultaneously: the chest beneath his head was hairy and flat, and there was a semi-hard cock poking his belly. 

Tony! Memory came rushing back and he felt his cheeks flush. He had never been this intimate with a man, even Tony. So far their intimate sessions had been limited to kissing and some heavy petting, partially because of Tony’s healing wounds and partially because of his own hesitation. His experience with men was limited to a few random jerk-offs during his time as an active Marine.

Some of his tension must have communicated to Tony and the younger man snuffled and tightened his arms. Gibbs watched as green eyes opened and blearily focused on him. The resulting smile was breathtaking and genuine. 

“Morning,” Tony rumbled, his voice deeper and huskier from sleep. “Mmmpf!”

The kiss turned from greeting to passionate in a breath but even as Gibbs’ hands started exploring Tony broke the kiss, panting hard. 

“Tony? Did I do something wrong?” 

“No.” A quick flash of that smile. “But if you keep kissing me and touching me like that I’m not sure how much longer I can keep my hands above the waist.”

“That a dare? ‘Cause I’m a Marine, y’know,” Gibbs teased, stealing a quick but thorough kiss even as he rolled them over so he was on top. He took it slow, giving Tony a chance to object but the younger man obviously approved, wrapping his arms around Gibbs and arching his back, driving his cock upwards. 

“Fuck!” Gibbs’ own cock was suddenly rock hard and feeling Tony thrust against him sent an unexpected jolt of want through him. He quickly stripped off his tee shirt and urged Tony’s over his head, tossing it aside carelessly. Leaning down, he nipped at a rosy bud then laved his tongue over it, relishing the deep moan he got in response.

Tony fisted one hand in Gibbs’ silver-grey strands, keeping his head where it was while the other moved lower, intent on stripping his lover of his boxers. “Skin…now!” 

Gibbs willingly obliged, switching focus to the other nipple and giving it equal attention while he shifted and allowed Tony to pull the boxes free. Leaning back and panting hard, he swatted Tony’s hip, grinning at the startled yelp. 

“Off,” he commanded, shifting to the side. 

For a moment Tony was confused then he quickly shimmied out of his boxer briefs and tossed them at Gibbs. The other man caught them and set them aside before turning and studying his lover. 

“Like what you see, Marine?” Tony rasped.

“Oohrah.” Settling back over Tony, Gibbs shifted his hips, closing his eyes as his cock brushed against Tony’s. “So good, Tony. So damned good.”

Tony swallowed hard. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten this hard, this fast. He wasn’t going to last and said so to Gibbs.

“Me either,” Gibbs answered. Sweat and pre-come combined to provide some lubrication and he reached between them to grasp both cocks in his fist. Tony bucked and yelled, nearly unseating him but Gibbs shifted to keep balance and began fisting their cocks in a hard fast rhythm.

“Come for me, Tony,” he said, opening his eyes and watching his lover’s reaction. “So close. Give it to me. Let me see you come.” He tightened his grip minutely, feeling a surge of satisfaction as Tony screamed out his release. 

A few more strokes and Jethro tensed as he also climaxed. He had barely enough presence of mind to shift off to the side so his full weight wouldn’t crush his lover. 

Lover. 

The word felt oddly right and Gibbs kept an arm and leg draped possessively over the other man. 

“Hmmm,” DiNozzo hummed appreciatively, snuggling into the embrace. “Why’d we wait so long to do this?” He reached out and grabbed his briefs, swiping them over his belly and Gibbs’, before dropping them off the side of the bed. 

Gibbs knew the question was rhetorical and he almost let it pass, except he had been wondering the same thing and he thought he might have the answer.

“Guess we weren’t ready for the commitment,” he finally responded.

“Commitment. Yeah,” Tony murmured, clearly on the verge of falling back to sleep.

Jethro closed his eyes and relaxed, letting sleep claim him, too. It felt right being curled around someone else again. Someone who mattered. 

Just as he dozed off, he made a vow to do anything necessary to make this relationship work. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Three weeks later:  
Gibbs’ surveyed his team closely, noting they were all focused and ready to go, as was the SWAT team on loan from Baltimore PD, only waiting on his word to breech the warehouse doors.

Tony met his gaze and gave a wolfish grin which made Gibbs’ hand twitch for a headslap. His lover had only been back in the field a few days before this drug running case landed in their laps. Much as he wanted to keep Tony back at the office where he’d be safe, Gibbs knew the younger man would balk at such over-the-top protection. More to the point, he didn’t need it. All his doctor’s agreed he was healed enough for field work.

It had been DiNozzo’s lead which had helped crack the case, after all. He had found the connection between the dead Seaman and the designer drug, U-4-Ya which had been showing up at Navy ports worldwide with alarming frequency over the past three months. The drug was potent and while most users inhaled it, others had been known to be affected merely from handling it. One person had died when the drug had entered her bloodstream through a cut on her hand. It was definitely time to shut this pipeline down and they were finally close. 

Now all they needed to do was catch the deceased’s cousin, former Petty Officer Luis Chavez in the act of manufacturing said drug and they could close their case. 

“Eagle one ready on your command, Agent Gibbs,” the SWAT commander radioed.

“Go!” Gibbs ordered, watching out of the corner of his eye as his team moved with him. 

“Baltimore Police and NCIS!” the commander roared as he and his team burst through the doors. “Get your hands up and step away from the tables! Now!”

Some of the suspects darted out a side door and two of the SWAT team gave chase. The remaining three helped Gibbs and his team round up the rest. 

“Damn,” Tony muttered, looking around at the group. “Chavez isn’t here.”

“We’ll get him,” Gibbs said. “Count on it.”

“Don’t be so sure, NCIS!” came the taunt from a walkway above. 

One of the SWAT team looked up and saw the muzzle flash. “Gun! Take cover!”

The pop-pop-pop of automatic gunfire followed, along with the sound of glass beakers shattering on the tables around them, sending a powder cloud into the air. Just as suddenly as it had begun the shooting stopped. By the time the two teams had regained their footing, Chavez was long gone. 

Gibbs heard the SWAT commander radioing his people outside to be on the lookout for Chavez. He cuffed his suspect and looked over to Tony, also in the process of securing his own suspect. The younger man froze, then lifted his head and sniffed the air, then pushed Gibbs towards the door.

“DiNozzo… what—“

“He wasn’t aiming for us! The gunfire set off a chain reaction with the drugs and this place is gonna blow! Everyone--”

A staggering force shoved Gibbs to the ground. His last coherent thought was ‘Jesus, not again!’ before darkness sucked him under. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Jethro?”

Gibbs roused at the familiar brogue and tried to sit up, only to find Ducky gently pushing him back down onto the hospital bed. 

“None of that, my friend,” the Scotsman tutted. “You’ll stay right where you are until you’re cleared.”

“’m fine, Duck,” Gibbs muttered. “Just a few cuts and bruises and some ringing in my ears. Thanks to Tony—“ Memory returned in a rush and he swallowed hard on the sudden nausea.

Jesus, Tony. He pushed me out of the way! 

He sat up abruptly, swinging his legs over the side. “Get me a robe. I’m not flashing my ass around this hospital.”

“Your x-ray results aren’t back yet,” the M.E. protested. “You need to stay—“

Gibbs fought the urge to growl at his long-time friend. Ducky was looking out for him as usual. There was no way the older man could know Jethro’s overwhelming need to see his lover.

“My team, Duck. No one’s telling me anything.” Gibbs knew he sounded wild. Probably looked just about as wild too. He didn’t care.

“You’ve only just woken up, Jethro! And I came in to give you news.” Ducky shook his head, exasperated. “Only if you lay back, mind you.”

Gibbs did as ordered for once. He could tell by Ducky’s demeanor that something serious was going on and long experience had taught him when to give in to get best results. 

“Ziva has a broken clavicle. She is in surgery now so they can put in a plate to stabilize it. She also has an assortment of bruises and cuts, none of them life-threatening. Timothy has a concussion and some shrapnel wounds. They are keeping an eye on him to make sure there is no bleeding in the brain, as well as no organ damage from shrapnel they haven’t found. Your injuries—“

“Forget me, Duck! I need to know about DiNozzo!” Jethro’s gut tightened as he watched Dr. Mallard’s reaction to Tony’s name. Tony, don’t do this to me…goddammit don’t tell me we just got our heads out of our asses and you went and got yourself killed!

“Yes, indeed. Of course. Young Anthony and the SWAT team member standing next to him appear to have caught the lion’s share of the blast. Unfortunately the officer died en route to the hospital. Severe head trauma, I believe.” Seeing Gibbs was about to explode with impatience, Ducky hurried on. “Tony suffered several shrapnel injuries to his back. They believe they have removed all the fragments and as with Timothy, they are keeping an eye on him.”

That didn’t sound so bad, but Gibbs’ infamous gut still wouldn’t unclench. Ducky was avoiding looking at him now. 

“Duck, what aren’t you telling me?” he pushed.

“Jethro, the doctor wanted to be the one to inform you, but I felt it would be better coming from me. Still, there’s no easy way to say it.” Ducky blinked rapidly, then cleared his throat and plunged on. “At this time, Anthony is unresponsive to stimuli. There is no obvious sign of concussion, no serious head trauma -- barring some cuts -- that would explain his current state. The other possibility is that he was exposed to the drugs in that lab during the explosion.”

Gibbs’ stomach clenched. “Duck… some of the people who’ve overdosed on U-4-Ya don’t wake up.”

“Indeed.” Ducky nodded, expression grim. “They are running a battery of tests on him in hopes of finding the cause. I’m afraid at the moment it’s a waiting game.”

“A— a waiting game,” Jethro repeated. “What does that even mean?”

“There’s no antidote for this, Jethro. No miracle cure. Either Tony will wake on his own, or he won’t.” Ducky watched his old friend closely and noted the sudden pallor as he took in the news. 

“So you’re telling me,” Jethro said carefully, “that Tony could stay like this? Like some of those other people who took U-4-Ya?” 

“Tony’s young and strong, and he has a history of overcoming great odds,” Ducky said. “But yes, I’m afraid it’s possible that he could remain comatose indefinitely.”

“No.” Gibbs shook his head emphatically, ignoring the flare of pain it set off. “No, not Tony. Not now.” He snapped his mouth shut, knowing he’d let too much slip. 

Dr. Mallard wisely did not pursue that last comment. “You’ll be released shortly, Jethro. I’ll alert Anthony’s doctor to expect you.” He turned and left, quietly shutting the door behind him. 

Once he was alone, Gibbs laid back and closed his eyes. This was not happening. It couldn’t be. 

I’m not giving up on you, Tony. You gotta fight this for me! 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jethro sat in the hard plastic chair, watching his lover’s unmoving form. The younger man seemed peaceful, as if he was only sleeping. Gibbs wished that was the case.

It was now 36 hours past the explosion. Ziva and Tim were both still here in the hospital as well. He had checked in on both of them upon his own release, relieved to find that Tim would be able to go home later today and Ziva in another day or so. Both had asked after Tony and were distressed upon learning of his current state. 

Gibbs had ignored Ducky’s urgings to go home, instead having Abby deliver his go-bag to the hospital so he could grab a shower and change in the doctors’ lounge. She had taken it back, promising to bring back clean clothes tomorrow. She had hugged him tight and whispered that he had to make Tony better. He’d wanted to growl that if he could, Tony would up and around already but he just didn’t have the energy and he hadn’t wanted to make her even more upset. 

Tony’s attending physician, Dr. Neal Simpson, had asked him out into the hallway to talk after finding him at Tony’s side the first time. He explained that all of Tony’s tests had come back negative for any head trauma. While this was reassuring news, given how recent his last concussion was, it meant they had no clear medical reason for Tony’s unresponsive state.

A tox screen had been done on all the injured when they had arrived at the hospital, the medical staff having been informed that the explosion had occurred in a drug lab. There were signs of various drugs in all their systems but Tony’s had been highest among the survivors. Ducky had requested the deceased SWAT commander be tested and his results were nearly identical to Tony. There were at least three compounds showing in their bloodwork that weren’t present in the others. 

Initially the staff had discounted the drugs as the cause, but once the lab had been provided with the file on U-4-Ya and Ducky had explained Tony’s unusual reaction to medications, Dr. Simpson agreed it was possibly the cause. 

Most frustrating was the fact that there was no drug they could give him to counteract the effects. While they could identify the compounds used, they had no idea of dosages. That made it too dangerous to try any type of drug therapy. 

Leaning forward, Jethro clasped Tony’s limp hand. “I’m here, Tony. Got that? I’m right here.” He hadn’t expected any response and so he wasn’t surprised when none came. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Late that afternoon, Ducky finally managed to persuade Jethro to at least go to the cafeteria. He sent Abby along to make sure the man consumed more than coffee, knowing Gibbs would not be able to refuse the Goth’s pleading and cajoling.

Still, the team lead had insisted on someone staying with DiNozzo and Ducky had agreed without hesitation. He firmly believed that a comatose person could hear, even if they couldn’t respond and there were a few things he wanted to share with Tony. 

“I know to some I'm just an 'old man', but there is nothing wrong with my vision. Or my insight of the people around me.” Ducky settled himself in the hard chair before staring out of the nearby window at nothing in particular. A bird flying close startled him and he turned his attention back to Tony.

“Jethro is one of my dearest friends. I know it might be surprising to some, but he's been a great comfort to me over the years. Most especially when Mother had passed. I realize it was odd that at first I shared that information with no one, including him. At the time-- Well, at the time it was too painful. But when he did find out, he helped me settle her affairs, clear out her belongings. Even helped find good homes for the few dogs remaining in her pack.” 

Ducky paused, carefully considering his next words. Deciding to take a risk, he pressed on. 

“I've always wondered what Leroy Jethro Gibbs was like with his first wife, Shannon. I know what he looks like in love.” He shook his head. “You see, although his marriage to Diane turned out rather unfortunately, there was a time when he loved her with all he had. I remember how he was with her, before things went so badly wrong. Still, that was nothing compared to how he’s been the past few months, Anthony.”

Ducky poured himself a cup of water and took a long sip.

"It's not often we hear him laugh, is it?" the older man queried. "Abigail can, on occasion, evoke a smile or a chuckle. I myself have only heard him laugh... and I do mean really laugh, on two occasions. Once was with Diane, shortly before he asked her to marry him. And the second... well, best save that one, I think.

“I've seen him frantic and angry. The plague incident, for example. Ah, but 'incident' is such an understatement, isn't it? Debacle, more like. The security guard Jethro held at gunpoint mentioned seeing 'fire in his eyes' as Jethro interrogated Dr. Pandy.” Ducky lost himself for a few moments in remembering his own fears at the time. 

“Devastated.” The M.E. nodded, then added, “When the La Grenouille operation blew up quite literally, I feared for Jethro's sanity when we believed you had been killed. Thankfully Mr. Palmer and I realized that our corpse could not possibly be you. Jethro tried to hide his reaction, and I'm sure no one else picked up on it but I saw clear as day. Elation. Relief. Joy, even. Emotions shared by all of us, really. Though Jethro prefers not to let his show so openly.”

The M.E. stood and paced the room slowly, trying to gather his thoughts. 

“Alas, Jenny's death and the subsequent fall-out were a major complication. Blame and guilt often muddy the waters, and for him it was no different. Hard to tell where those emotions should be assigned, and all too often they end up taken on by the wrong person. That was when I knew for sure, you see. He looked like he had lost his best friend, and I’m not referring to Jenny, either! He was positively miserable while you were Agent Afloat. Luckily the new team had no idea what Jethro's 'normal' looks like. Had Ziva or Timothy had been around, they would have immediately suspected something was afoot. By the time they were returned to Jethro's team he had channeled his anger into determination – a determination to get you back where you belong, my friend.”

With a heavy sigh, the elderly M.E. took his seat again. 

“Of course this most recent incident has shown beyond a shadow of a doubt the depth of Jethro's feelings for a certain senior field agent. So you see, my dear boy, you simply must come back to us.” Leaning forward, Ducky grasped the unconscious man's hand and squeezed gently. There was no response, nor had there been over the past two days.

Ducky sighed, resting back against the chair yet still keeping hold of the lax hand. 

“I don't believe he would survive your loss, Anthony,” Mallard whispered, feeling the prickling of tears. The thought of potentially losing both friends tore at his heart. “So you would be doing me a great favor by not only remaining among us, but by waking up and giving him some hope. You see, I've taken note of how your behavior changes around him, as well. You two would be a dynamic couple, if only you could both see what is in front of you.”

Standing wearily, the older man leaned over and brushed a paternal kiss against Tony's forehead. 

“Rest well, my dear boy, but don't be at it too much longer lest you forget the joy that living life can bring.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Standing just outside Tony's hospital room, Gibbs resisted the temptation to ram his fist into the wall. It would bring Ducky running, figuratively and would also be hard to explain to hospital staff. 

Listening to Ducky's conversation with the unconscious DiNozzo had been hard and not because it wasn't true. Instead the opposite was true; he hadn’t expected to fall in love again, let alone with his male Senior Field Agent.

Gibbs had known from the time he and Tony got together that their relationship would be very different from his ex-wives. He had romanced each of them, looking for a lover, whereas he and the younger man had been friends for years before finally becoming intimate. 

The professional bond they had formed upon meeting in Baltimore only strengthened when DiNozzo came to NCIS and Gibbs' team. For a while it had just been the two of them, and Gibbs knew there had been money made and lost on how long the cocky former cop would last. He couldn't help smirking at the thought that not only had Tony been on his team twice as long as the former record holder, but also had shattered his own record for staying in a job. Clearly NCIS was more than a job for Tony and Gibbs liked to think his co-workers contributed to that. 

Most staff at NCIS figured they were strictly boss/subordinate and the two men by unspoken agreement did little to counter that assumption. Gibbs didn't want any hint of favoritism to shadow Tony and he knew the younger man felt the same. Tony's bids for Gibbs' attention usually brought about the negative sort, not what most people would call welcome. 

Gibbs had never been known to spend much time with his team outside of work hours. The occasional team drink after work was about all he allowed himself with the exception of dinners with Ducky and sometimes Abby. 

Only Abby and Ducky knew that Gibbs and DiNozzo had always socialized, sharing cowboy steaks and beer at Gibbs', old movies at Tony's, visits to the shooting range or just evenings in Gibbs' basement. It was always time spent as equals, not boss and subordinate. 

When they finally figured it out and became lovers, they took it slower than either had expected. Although Tony was bi-sexual and Gibbs had done some experimenting, neither had experience at being in a relationship with a guy. That made it easier in some ways since they were learning together. 

Gibbs couldn't help smirking as he thought of the fun involved, too. Tony had quickly discovered not only Jethro's hot spots, but his few ticklish areas too. Their third time in bed, Tony had taken the lead and proceeded to tickle Jethro relentlessly. It was something no other lover had dared since Shannon; rather than upsetting Jethro it only made him treasure Tony more. 

Coffee. Jethro needed coffee. Pursuing his addiction of choice also provided the added bonus of getting him out of Ducky's line of sight so he turned and walked away down the hall.

The older man's words to Tony had left Gibbs feeling overexposed; while he had no problem with Ducky knowing about him and Tony, he hadn't wanted his friend to find out like this. It was too much like the Mexico fiasco and it had taken months to make things right between them again. Gibbs had vowed that wouldn't happen again.

Tony's most recent injury had thrown Gibbs into an emotional whirlpool the likes of which he hadn't encountered since Shannon. Ducky was right about Jethro not surviving Tony's death. He'd barely been able to survive Shannon's and Kelly's murder. If he lost Tony...

Tony had brought laughter and love back into Jethro's life without asking him to change who he was. He accepted Gibbs, bastard and functional mute, and loved him anyway. That was a hell of an undertaking. 

In the short time they’d been together Jethro tried to make sure Tony knew in turn how much he was loved. The younger man had grown up starved for even the normal affection a child should get from his parents. He had found ways to cope for the most part but there were times when the child inside took over and made wild bids for attention. Positive or negative, didn't matter, so long as someone noticed. 

Tony's recklessness was another product of his childhood. No one had ever valued him as a child, or taught him to value himself. DiNozzo found reasons why everyone else had a right to live and he should be the one chosen for the most dangerous assignments. He joked about it but Gibbs saw through to the underlying pain. Half the time he feared that foolhardiness would cost Tony his life. 

Gibbs' musing had sidetracked his brain, and yet muscle memory had taken him straight to the coffee maker in the nurses’ lounge. He had discovered long ago that the best coffee could be found here. Grabbing a disposable cup, Jethro then pulled the pot from the coffeemaker and helped himself. 

He drank half the cup in one gulp then topped it off and heading back out into the hallway. He took the long route back to Tony's room and stopped at the doorway to listen for sounds of any other visitors. Thankfully there was only silence. 

Entering the room, Gibbs tossed his now-empty cup in the trash. Coming around the bed, he sank into the visitor's chair and studied DiNozzo. One might think he was merely sleeping. 

Sitting on the edge of Tony's bed, Gibbs reached out and entwined his hand with the one not bearing an IV needle. Squeezing it gently, he began talking.

"This is the obvious reason for Rule 12. Everyone thinks it's because a relationship gone bad can affect the team. Hell, the agency even. Nope. It's because it's hard to separate lover from team mate when that person gets hurt."

Even as he said it, Gibbs knew he wasn’t being honest. He had been worrying over DiNozzo almost from the day he'd poached the cop from Baltimore PD. The younger man appeared to be a disaster magnet even though he frequently walked away from such incidents on his own two feet.

The four sterile walls felt suffocatingly close and Gibbs knew he needed to escape again for a while. Leaning down, he brushed a kiss against Tony's forehead.

"I'll be back." He shoved aside a memory of Tony saying that phrase in a bad Schwarzenegger impression and stalked out of the room.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Restless and unable to just hang out in the waiting room, Jethro headed outside to get better coffee and some fresh air. Some instinct made him pull out his phone. No messages. Not really a surprise since his team was on the injured list and very few others ever left him messages.

Without really thinking he pulled up his contacts and scrolled through them. His eyebrow lifted in surprise at seeing his father's name and phone number. Jethro shook his head, knowing somehow his lover had taken the time to find it and enter it. While DiNozzo's relationship with his own father was rocky to say the least, the younger man did everything he could to encourage Jethro to reconnect with Jackson. The old man was extraordinarily fond of Tony, for that matter.

Hitting send, Jethro found himself unaccountably nervous at the thought of talking to his father. However, the call went unanswered and the machine picked up. Normally Jethro would have hung up but found himself waiting through the message.

"Dad, it's me." Yeah, like anyone else calls him Dad? "Tony's hurt. Not really sure if he'll be okay. I'll call you back."

He closed the phone with a frustrated growl and stalked off to the Dunkin’ Donuts down the street. 

Why the hell had he made that call? He'd never done that before and it wasn't like Jackson knew about him and Tony. 

Jethro shook his head, grudgingly admitting that he was off his game. The new relationship alone had him unsettled, though not in a bad way. It was a readjustment however and now with the added stress of Tony getting hurt so soon after it was a wonder he hadn't locked himself in his basement yet. He couldn’t. Not yet. Not until he knew Tony would be okay.

Then he’d lock them both in his basement, where he could keep DiNozzo safe.

His eyes felt gritty and he desperately needed a shower. Briefly he debated calling Abby again, but his tired brain reminded him she had left early this morning for a Habitat for Humanity build in West Virginia. 

Might as well go home, he decided. 

Pushing wearily to his feet he headed back into the hospital. Wouldn’t hurt to look in on Tony one more time and make sure the nursing staff had both his cell and home numbers. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The following afternoon, Nurse Hazel Walton marked Agent DiNozzo’s vitals on his chart before doing one last visual check. She noted his eyes blinking sluggishly and smiled. 

“Well it's about time, hon,” she whispered. “Just too bad your friend's not here to see it.”

Hurrying to the door, she rushed out into the hall. Spotting the doctor at the nurses' station, she called out to him.

"Dr. Phillips! Agent DiNozzo is waking up!"

The dayshift attending physician looked up from the file he had been updating. Acknowledging the alert, he turned to the nurse behind the desk.

"Call Agent Gibbs and let him know. I'll be in with Agent DiNozzo." 

~~~~~

The call had come as Gibbs was finishing up some errands, thankfully. He tossed his purchases in the car and sped off to the hospital. Luckily there was nothing perishable but if there had been, it wouldn’t have mattered. 

Tony was awake!

Gibbs broke all his previous speed records getting to the hospital. Dammit, he had wanted to be there when Tony regained consciousness. He hadn't wanted the younger man to wake up alone and disoriented. However, days of worry and stress had taken their toll and Jethro had slept late into the morning. Once awake, there were errands he had to accomplish, given it was Sunday and he had no idea when he would have the time again. 

Dr. Phillips was coming out of DiNozzo's room as Jethro approached. There was a smile on the doctor's face and the fist that had clenched around Gibbs’ gut for the last few days finally began to relax. 

"He's awake and asking for you, Agent Gibbs," Dr. Phillips said. 

"He okay?" Jethro wanted to ask more specific questions but the words couldn't get past the lump in his throat. 

"His speech is a bit slurred, that's to be expected. Reflexes are slow but again, expected. I'm going to schedule him for a standard set of neuro tests but I wanted to let you see him first."

"Thanks, Doc. Okay for me to go in, then?"

Phillips nodded. "Don't stay too long. He's likely to drop back to sleep soon anyway, if he hasn't already but I told him you were coming."

~~~~~

Gibbs paused at the door to Tony’s room. Much as he wanted to just rush in and hug his lover, that’s not who they were, even now. Taking a steadying breath, he opened the door and stepped inside. 

Pausing to let his eyes adjust to the dimmer light, Gibbs studied Tony. The younger man’s eyes were closed but he looked more animated, somehow. 

“Not polite to stare, Boss,” came the raspy tease.

Gibbs chuffed out a laugh and approached the bed.

“Not your boss here, Tony.” Reaching out, he brushed the thick hair back from DiNozzo’s forehead and leaned down to kiss him.

At the feeling of Gibbs’ hand on his forehead, Tony’s eyes opened wide and he scooted away, startled. “Gibbs? What the—“

The older man froze, equally shocked. This was not the reaction he had expected. He backed away and studied DiNozzo closely.

Tony shifted uncomfortably, his face flushed. “Boss, I never knew you cared so much.” His tone was joking but he wouldn’t meet Gibbs’ gaze.

A thought took root in Gibbs’ mind and it spread rapidly, filling him with both horror and anguish. If what he suspected was true, he had to face this as boss and not lover. 

“Tony… what’s the last thing you remember clearly?” he asked sharply.

The younger agent looked puzzled, then confused as he struggled to focus. “I-I don’t know.”

“Think, DiNozzo!” Gibbs knew his own fear made him abrupt and he regretted being harsh but he had to know. 

Tony closed his eyes, his expression going blank as he focused inwards. After a few minutes he shook his head in frustration. “Last thing I remember is waking up in the hospital after being shot by Stratton.” He looked around the hospital. “This isn’t the same room but I’m in the hospital again, obviously. What happened in between?” 

Gibbs was mostly relieved Tony had let him off the hook for the near-kiss. Truthfully it seemed like they had bigger issues. He quickly filled Tony in on his convalescence at Gibb’ house, leaving out the change in their relationship, finishing up with the case that had landed Tony in the hospital this latest time. 

“Damn,” DiNozzo muttered when Gibbs ended the recap. “I can’t remember any of it! Why can’t I remember, boss?” 

Heart heavy, Gibbs shook his head. “I don’t know, Tony. I’m going to go get a doctor. They’re probably going to want to do more tests on you.”

“Great. I get to be the guinea pig again.” 

~~~~~

Rule #3 – never be unreachable. It had been drilled into Gibbs’ team from their first day on the job. For Gibbs to be the unreachable one was unthinkable. 

Ducky had been calling his friend all afternoon and evening with no success on either Gibbs’ cell phone or his land line. His stop by the Navy Yard proved to be fruitless as well. 

Abby had also tried calling with no better luck.

Given that Tony was now awake and talking the M.E. had expected Jethro to be by his side. Director Vance had handed off their case to another team which never sat well with Gibbs, but given that his team was all on the injured list there was little choice. Gibbs had said very little about it which was also unlike the man. 

Taking advantage of the well-known fact that Gibbs never locked his door, Ducky let himself in. Jethro’s truck was in the driveway but the only light was a small desk lamp in the dining room. It was enough for Ducky to safely make his way to the basement door. It opened silently and Ducky could see light but that was all.

With a sigh, he descended the stairs. When he got halfway down and could look around, he spotted his friend sitting on a sawhorse, his back to him.

“Jethro?” he called out. “I’ve been looking for you. I assumed you would be at the hospital with Anthony.”

“’Sumed wrong.”

The M.E. frowned and made his way down into the basement. “I must confess to being a bit puzzled, Jethro. Tony’s neurological exam went amazingly well. His doctor is confident that he’ll make a full recovery and while there’s no guarantee he’ll ever get his memory back, it’s not impossible.”

Gibbs still hadn’t turned to face him but Ducky could see the empty whiskey bottle on the floor even as he noticed the other man lift a near empty mason jar and drain it. 

“Oh, my dear boy… I should have realized.” Shaking his head, he slowly advanced until he was standing next to the sawhorse. “Tony’s amnesia must certainly have triggered a flashback to your own—“

The guttural roar caught Ducky off guard and he took a step backward, watching as Gibbs hurled the jar against the opposite wall. It shattered into fragments but luckily both men were too far away for any to reach them. 

“Jethro! What in bloody blue blazes—“ 

“Three weeks. He doesn’t ‘member, Duck,” Gibbs whispered hoarsely. “Best three weeks…in more’n a decade. Doesn’t remember.”

“My goodness,” Ducky breathed out, stunned as realization struck. “You and Anthony… it’s not wishing on either of your parts. You’re actually together.”

“Were. Not ‘nymore.” Clearing his throat, Jethro got unsteadily to his feet and headed for his workbench. “Got another bottle. Hell is it?” 

Ducky couldn’t help glancing at the bottle on the floor. Luckily Gibbs wasn’t focused on him and didn’t notice.

“I believe I saw it upstairs, Jethro.” Laying a firm hand on his friend’s arm, the older man steered them towards the stairs. “Why don’t we just go up and see? I myself wouldn’t mind a stiff drink right now.”

Gibbs squinted at him suspiciously even as he climbed the few stairs to the landing. “Sure it’s upstairs? Thought it was down here.”

“No, no… I believe it was in the kitchen. Let’s get you settled in the living room and then I’ll have a look, all right?” 

To Ducky’s relief, Gibbs didn’t protest or try to stop their progress and soon they were sitting in the living room, Gibbs on the couch and Ducky in the nearby chair. 

“Tell me, Jethro – how did you and Anthony start?” he questioned, fully expecting Gibbs to demand more whiskey and totally evade the question.

Gibbs sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “After SecNav’s fuck-up… almost got him killed, I realized… Hell, I realized I love him, Duck.” He shrugged helplessly. 

The older man nodded. “Clearly he loves you, as well. And not in a paternal fashion.”

Jethro scoffed. “Loves me. He forgot me, Duck!”

“Need I remind you that you forgot him once?” Ducky quirked an eyebrow at him.

“We weren’t lovers then!” Gibbs yelled, thumping the couch.

“He’s not done it deliberately. He had no choice in the matter, nor did you at the time,” the other man said kindly.

Jethro sat back, easing his aching head against the back of the couch. “I miss him. It’s only been a few days, but God… I miss him.”

His friend’s increasing coherence relieved Ducky. As hoped, Gibbs hadn’t had as much to drink as it appeared. No doubt he’d fail a field sobriety test, but he wasn’t in danger of alcohol poisoning. In addition, adrenaline and anger were combining to burn off the initial buzz at least a bit, clearing his head somewhat. 

“I know, Jethro. I can’t imagine what this is like for you. I truly wish there was something I could do for both of you.” 

“Turn back time,” Gibbs whispered, closing his eyes. 

Ducky wisely refrained from asking how much time. That was a path best not taken. Knowing Gibbs likely had the beginnings of a headache, the Scotsman quietly headed to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water and some Tylenol. 

Returning, he found his friend in the same position as he’d left him. Tapping him on the shoulder, he handed over the glass and the pills. 

“Take two and call me in the morning, eh, Duck?” Gibbs swallowed the pills and drank the glass of water without protest. 

“Something like that, yes.” Ducky took his seat again. 

Conversation turned to more mundane matters with one or two of Ducky’s shorter stories interspersed until finally Gibbs dropped off to sleep. 

“Thank God,” the M.E. murmured, covering him with an afghan. 

Tired but knowing he wouldn’t sleep just yet, Ducky decided to straighten up the basement. Gibbs would no doubt shrug off the state of it but better he not be reminded of his lapse in control. 

It took little time to sweep up the broken glass and toss it in an old bucket clearly being used as a waste bin. Ducky picked up the empty whiskey bottle to take upstairs and rinse out. Deciding he’d done what he could, he heard a faint buzzing noise, similar to a cell phone set on silent mode. 

He found it underneath an overturned coffee mug and tutted when he saw the name on the display. Quickly hitting the receive call button, he said, “Hello, this is Donald Mallard.”

~~~~~

Jackson blinked when a vaguely familiar voice answered his son’s cell phone. He pulled his own phone away, looking at it in surprised confusion.

“Ducky? Is that you?” He didn’t give the other man time to answer before going on, “Why are you answering Leroy’s number? Is he all right?” 

There was momentary silence, then Jackson heard a long sigh released. 

“Jeth—Leroy is fine, Jackson. Physically at least. He sustained some minor wounds in the explosion.”  
The elder Gibbs paced his small kitchen. Something wasn’t right. He knew it the moment he listened to the message from his boy. 

“What’s going on down there, Ducky? And don’t try to pull one over on me, either!”

“I would do no such thing,” the Scotsman denied. 

“What’s wrong with my boy, Dr. Mallard!”

“It’s Anthony,” Ducky hastened to explain. “He was more seriously injured in the explosion. Jethro is taking it rather hard.”

“Damn.” The old man sat down heavily. “Must be pretty bad. Leroy’s never called me before. Not when Tony’s been hurt. Tell me what’s going on, Doc.”  
“Anthony was exposed to a combination of drugs and chemicals in the explosion. It was a drug lab, you see. He had been in a coma for the past few days. He’s awake now, and doing quite well, except—“

“Yes? What is it?” Jackson prodded impatiently.

Ducky bit back a sigh. Of course the other man would be anxious. He was immensely fond of Tony, and vice versa.

“When Tony woke, Jethro discovered he had lost some rather… significant memories,” the M.E. carefully supplied. “I suspect, given Jethro’s own past, it’s a bit hard to stomach.”

“Bullshit,” Jackson barked. “It’s more than that and you and I both know it. Now I may be an old man but I’m not dumb and I’m certainly not blind. There’s something between those boys, isn’t there? The way Leroy talks about him all the time. And I could see it in Tony when they were up here on that case, years ago. None of my business, mind you. Can’t deny it doesn’t worry me though, given what happened to Shannon and Kelly.”

“Yes, indeed,” Ducky softly answered. His own thoughts had followed a similar line of late.

“Dammit I wish I had someone to cover the store. My boy needs me and I’m hours away,” Jackson muttered. “Maybe Carter Nolan would help out.”

“Come when you can,” Ducky urged. “This is not a situation with a swift resolution. I’ve no doubt Jethro needs your support sooner than later.”

Jackson couldn’t help but let loose a guffaw. “Don’t let him hear you say that!”

“Indeed not.” After disconnecting the call, Ducky headed back up to the living room, quietly laying the phone on the coffee table before making himself comfortable in the recliner for the night.

~~~~~

Four days later:

Gibbs watched in amusement as Tony and Abby played a card game whose rules made sense only to them. He took advantage of their distraction to study Tony. The lines of pain from earlier in the week were gone, as was some of the haze from his eyes. He looked good. Damned good. A bolt of loss pierced him, reminding him Tony had no memory of their brief time together. 

Tony chose that moment to look up at him and an odd expression crossed his face. He opened his mouth to say something but at that moment the door swung open, admitting Dr. Simmons. 

“So, Agent DiNozzo, how do you feel about getting out of here?” At Tony’s whoop of joy, the doctor smirked. He watched the young man exchange hugs with the Goth woman.

“Any restrictions, Doc?” Gibbs wondered. 

“I understand you live alone?” the doctor asked of Tony. At the confirming nod, he made a note on the chart. “Okay, I suggest you have someone with you for at least the next 72 hours.”

Tony pulled a face but didn’t object. He had figured as much anyway.

“Also, don’t over-exert yourself yet. No heavy lifting or long workouts. No sex for at least 72 hours either.” Dr. Simmons shot a meaningful glance at Abby, who grinned widely at the implication.

“Oh God,” Tony moaned. Abby was going to give him so much shit over this, he knew it.

“One last thing, if you notice any dizziness, severe headaches, anything out of the ordinary, make sure you get to the nearest hospital ASAP, got it?” He looked at all three and nodded. “I’m going to go process the paperwork. You can go ahead and get dressed. One of the nurses will be back when everything’s ready.”

Gibbs watched as the doctor left, then leaned forward in his chair. “Your place or mine, DiNozzo?”

Tony blinked. “I-I’m sorry?” 

“Either we stay at your place, or you come back to my house. You heard the doc.” Gibbs leaned back, waiting Tony’s response.

The younger man cleared his throat and schooled his features into a expressionless mask. “My place, Boss. But, uh, I think I’d rather have Abby stay this time. If you don’t mind, that is, Abbs.”

Abby could have sworn she saw hurt and disappointment cross Gibbs’ face. It made her heart ache. Tony always chose Gibbs’ house when he was injured. The alternative wasn’t usually even an option. One look at Tony erased any thought of protest. His expression hadn’t changed but his eyes were shadowed and haunted. If they could speak she would swear they were begging her. She swallowed hard. No one had ever asked her to choose between her boys before now. 

“Fine. I’ll go see what’s taking them so long.” Gibbs stood and walked out of the room. 

“Shit,” Abby breathed. “What the hell is going on with you two?” 

“I don’t know, Abbs,” Tony said miserably. “I really don’t know. One minute he’s going all mother-hen on me and the next he’s pissed as hell. I-I wish I could remember.” 

Knowing there were no words to make it better, Abby settled for a hug instead.

~~~~~

“Here we are, Tony-boy! Home sweet home.” Abby fit his key into the lock and opened the door, standing aside so he could enter first.  
Tony walked in then paused for a moment, taking stock of his apartment. Everything looked okay. He apparently hadn’t made any major changes in the past month or so. With a sigh of relief, he dropped onto his expensive leather couch and stretched out.   
“Your place is amazing!” Abby enthused, inspecting the bookshelves and his entertainment unit.   
“Thanks.” Hoping to distract her, he said, “Want to watch a movie? Pick something.”

They agreed on Ghostbusters and after popping two bags of popcorn, Abby grabbed a beer and handed Tony a bottled water. 

Having seen the movie often enough that he could recite dialogue verbatim, Tony’s mind soon wandered. He couldn’t stop trying to recreate the missing block of time. Christ, if he was this scrambled after losing a little more than a month, how the hell had Gibbs even survived losing 15 years? The man was made of iron, no question.

He stretched languidly, enjoying the feel of the soft leather beneath him. Damn hospital beds. He swore they made them to encourage patients to go home, though he couldn’t imagine wanting to stay a second longer than necessary. He’d wanted out almost from the moment he’d regained consciousness. The doctors had other ideas, however, due to his recent head injury which he didn’t even fully remember. 

Gibbs had filled him in on the missing time, at least as much of it as he knew. He had also reassured Tony there were no cases requiring his testimony, which was a relief. 

Tony’s recent memories might have been scrambled but his long-term memory was just fine. He clearly recalled other times when Gibbs had all but planted himself at his bedside, once the case was over, of course. This time was different though. His team mates, all in various stages of healing, had been to visit. Abby and Ducky were his most frequent visitors. Several other agents and even Director Vance had been in for visits. 

Not to say Gibbs never stopped by, he did. However those visits were always strained and awkward in a way their time together had never been before. Tony couldn’t figure it out at the time and he found himself still puzzling over the change. What the hell was up with Gibbs?

At one point he suspected his job might be in jeopardy, or at the very least his career as a field agent. He had questioned his boss point blank. While Gibbs’ succinct answer was expected, Tony hadn’t figured on the team lead avoiding his gaze and ending the visit soon after. 

“Tony?” Abby settled on the edge of the couch and rested a hand lightly on his chest. “You okay? You were miles away.” 

The gentle touch startled Tony but he smiled at the worried Goth. “I’m good, Abs. Just…trying to see if I can remember what I lost.” Rule 7: Always be specific when you lie. Wasn’t really a lie, he supposed, since he felt like he had lost Gibbs’ friendship and he had no recollection of how that had happened. 

Abby leaned down to kiss his temple then lightly wiped at the lipstick mark left behind. “You’ll get it back, Tony.

DiNozzo wished he shared her certainty. The way things stood right now he wasn’t looking forward to returning to work and the team. 

~~~~~

Much later that night, Tony restlessly tossed and turned in his bed, trying to find a position that would bring sleep. Giving up, he settled on his back and brought his left arm up and over his eyes. 

What the hell had he done to cause this change in Gibbs? Normally he wouldn’t need to question himself, he would know. Or could at least take an educated guess. But not this time. Time. Shit. It had to be related to his missing block of time. 

Come on, DiNozzo…you’re an investigator! Do what you do best, investigate. 

Closing his eyes, Tony concentrated on calming himself and focusing, using a technique he’d perfected for undercover jobs. 

Whatever the problem between him and Gibbs, Tony was now sure it was personal. The team leader had never been shy at expressing his displeasure at a screw-up from one of his team. He might tone it down if injury was involved but he got his point across loud and clear, regardless. 

Keeping his eyes closed, Tony let his thoughts drift back to Gibbs’ first visit after he’d woken in the hospital. The other had leaned down to…what, exactly? It hadn’t seemed like an intent to hug. The thought alone almost made DiNozzo laugh. Leroy Jethro Gibbs was about the least likely hugger he knew. 

The next memory he examined was of his last night in the hospital. Gibbs’ behavior had unsettled him and he’d dreamed vividly that night. He didn’t remember them, only that they were threatening and disturbing. 

Tony blinked at the thought of what had come next. Had it been real? Had Gibbs really been in his room watching him sleep? Or had he imagined it all? But he recalled the soothing deep voice, calling him back to reality, the callused hand stroking his head. Once he was fully aware, he had asked the other man why he was there. Gibbs had merely shrugged it off and told him to go back to sleep. He hadn’t, and Tony knew Gibbs had been aware of that although the other man hadn’t mentioned it the following day.

Knowing he wasn’t going to solve this tonight, Tony rolled over onto his stomach, bunching up his pillow and burying his face in the softness. 

~~~~~

Two days later:

“Dammit!” Throwing down his sanding block, Gibbs sucked at the piece of wood that had jammed into his thumb. Second time tonight. Focus, Marine! he chided himself. Not that it did any good. 

He carefully avoided looking toward the empty shelf where his bourbon bottle usually sat. Given the state he had been in when Ducky stopped by last week, he had decided to forego drinking for a while. Too risky to drink like that very often. 

Pulling his focus back to the wood, Jethro’s instincts soon took over and left his mind free to wander again. He hadn’t seen Tony since the younger man had been released from the hospital. Abby had stayed with him the first couple of nights, but she had returned home yesterday, happily reporting that Tony was well on the mend.

His thoughts turned to Tony’s time in the hospital. Once DiNozzo had woken up and the memory loss was discovered it had been almost impossible to be in the same room as the younger man when he was awake. Gibbs had wanted nothing more than to tell Tony about those missing weeks but the same fear that held him back all those years was still valid. Tony was his subordinate and Gibbs wasn’t willing to risk starting a relationship only to find his partner not only didn’t return the sentiment but had felt pressured.

’C’mon, Leroy! You know better than that. The boy adores you!’ 

The voice sounded suspiciously like Jackson and Gibbs caught himself turning towards the stairs to check for his father. 

“Not a boy,” he muttered irritably. He’d told his dad that the other day when they had finally had a chance to catch up; Ducky had left him a note that he had briefly spoken with Jack the night Tony had woken up.

It had taken a full day after that before he could muster the courage needed to go back and visit Tony. By then McGee and Ziva were at least up and around and had been in to see their teammate, as had Director Vance and several other agents and staff. 

Gibbs had decided against going in to see him; instead he’d parked himself at a window overlooking another wing of the hospital and glared at anyone brave enough to approach him. Once visiting hours were over, he played the next of kin card with the somewhat sympathetic head floor nurse to get in to see Tony after he’d fallen asleep. Then at least he could pretend his lover was sleeping off a minor injury and they would soon be going home together. 

The ringing of his cell phone pulled him out of his reflection and he grabbed it, checking the display. Shit. Vance. 

“Yeah, this is Gibbs.”

“Wanted to let you know that Hetty’s team caught Chavez and his buddy trying to leave on a ship out of the port of Los Angeles.” Vance sounded smug. “They’ll be escorted back to our jurisdiction for prosecution.”

“Good.” It was little more than a grunt and that suited Gibbs fine. 

“I’ll tell DiNozzo—“

“No. Leave that to me,” Gibbs insisted. 

“Fine. Dr. Mallard says he’s cleared to come back to work on Monday--”

Jethro disconnected without waiting to see if Vance had anything further to say. He had an important errand to run and time was wasting away.

~~~~~

Half an hour later, Gibbs knocked on the door to Tony’s apartment. Try as he might, he couldn’t recall the last time he’d been up here. He knew DiNozzo’s address; he had picked up the younger agent on more than one occasion. Yet even in their short time as lovers they had never spent the night here. 

He knocked on the door and was surprised when it opened almost immediately. Tony stepped back and let him in, grinning widely. 

“Smelled you coming, Boss.” Closing and locking the door behind him, he gestured Gibbs to the kitchen. “Or the pizza, at least. Hoped it was for me.”

“Anyone else in your building get pizza this late at night?” Gibbs asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Don’t know. Don’t really care either.” Another grin as Tony got out paper plates and pulled a couple of beers from the fridge. Catching Gibbs’ questioning look, he rolled his eyes. “I’m not on any meds. I cleared it with Ducky already and it’s fine as long as I don’t overdo.”

The older man nodded and took a seat. Grabbing the plates, he pulled out a big slice and handed it over to Tony, now sitting opposite him. The younger man took a bite and groaned almost obscenely at the taste. 

Gibbs couldn’t help chuckling. 

“Been a while, I think,” Tony admitted. Not wanting to focus on that, he asked, “What are we celebrating here?” 

“Vance called earlier. Callen’s team caught Chavez and his buddy. When the red tape clears they’ll be flown back here for prosecution.” 

“That’s definitely cause for celebration.” Tony raised his beer to Gibbs, who mirrored the move and clinked their bottles together. 

They ate the pizza over sports talk and discussion of the new probies fresh out of FLETC. Gibbs couldn’t help but be relieved that spending time with Tony felt as easy now as it had been before-- Well… before. 

Of course it does, jackass! his inner voice chided. There’s a reason the two of you got together in the first place. 

“…and so the Martian says—“ 

Gibbs blinked. “What? Martian? What the hell, DiNozzo?"

Tony set his second beer on the coffee table and leaned forward, clasping his hands. 

"Want to tell me what's on your mind, Boss?" he asked. "You were miles away just now."

Gibbs took a swig of beer. Shit. He should have been more careful. Tony knew him better than anyone. Losing a few weeks or even a couple of months wouldn't have changed that. He searched for an answer that wouldn't be an obvious lie.

"You don't trust me anymore, do you?" Tony ran a hand through his hair. Unable to stay seated he pushed off the sofa and paced over to the window, looking out over the city lights. "Guess I can't blame you. Hell, I don’t trust me, either.”

“DiNozzo, if I didn’t trust you I wouldn’t allow you back on even light duty,” Gibbs growled. 

“Okay, but something’s on your mind.” Tony turned to face Gibbs but wouldn’t meet the older man’s gaze. Instead he paced his living room, randomly touching items. “I knew from the moment I woke in the hospital.”

The aborted kiss, Gibbs realized. Think fast, Marine, or you’re going to lose him. Be specific when you lie!

Gibbs channeled some of his tension into his hands, letting them curl into fists. He felt the muscle in his jaw jump and watched as DiNozzo’s eyes widened. 

“Ever think for just a minute that this isn’t about you, DiNozzo?” he asked, knowing his second-in-command would recognize the warning despite his soft tone. “That maybe it brings up a shitload of memories I’d just as soon keep locked away?”

Gibbs turned quickly, but still caught the flash of hurt on Tony’s face. Knowing his own stiff posture screamed his pain to DiNozzo but unable to hide it, he stalked out the door, just managing not to slam it behind him. 

~~~~~

“Son of a bitch,” Tony muttered, as the door swung shut.  
The night had been going so well until he had opened his mouth and broadcast his insecurities to Gibbs. Not that it would be news to the older man, far from it. 

It was fairly common knowledge around the Washington NCIS office that Tony DiNozzo still sought ways to get Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ attention; some of those ways proved rather outrageous. What had happened tonight was not a bid for attention, however. 

Gibbs’ behavior had definitely changed since the lab explosion, at least in relation to Tony. The former cop’s own instincts told him it went deeper than the reminder of Gibbs’ own brush with amnesia all those years ago, and the pain and loss it had stirred to the surface.

A connection completed in Tony’s brain and blood drained from his face. No, it couldn’t be. But what if Gibbs really had discovered Tony’s love for him? It definitely would explain the recent change in attitude. Gibbs hadn’t acted repulsed or offended, but he’d been pissed as hell. 

He had always been so careful to keep his feelings masked and buried. Shit. It was the one mother of all secrets that he had never shared with anyone; not even Abby. Wendy didn’t count. She’d believed he chose the job over her; never realizing his sudden and intense loyalty was actually to his boss, rather than their job. 

Tony wearily headed over and sank onto his couch, leaning his head back and closing his eyes against the despair. Going back to work on Monday was going to suck. Big time.

~~~~~

Gibbs stormed into his house, slamming the door hard enough to make the windows rattle. It was a satisfying sound, in his present mood. 

He headed straight for the basement. His workbench seemed to beckon him but Gibbs knew he’d find no solace in working on any project tonight. Instead, he walked over to the bench and reached underneath. He had long ago removed the handle of this particular drawer and used wood filler to camouflage it. Tugging on the short rope he’d knotted there for the purpose, the drawer opened enough that he could grasp and pull it the rest of the way. As always, he sucked in a painful breath at seeing the picture of Shannon, Kelly and him together. There were damned few pictures of the three of them in existence and most of them had been taken by his father so they were in Stillwater.

Sinking down onto his sawhorse, he traced the outline of Shannon’s hair. Losing her had gutted him. The effect had been so strong that none of his divorces had caused even a fraction of that level of pain. Mostly the emotion then had been anger. 

Tony was different. Not just because he obviously wasn’t a wife but because he mattered in a way no one had since Shannon. He also blasted past Gibbs’ defenses like they didn’t exist. The younger man was a force to be reckoned with, and anyone who took him solely on his fratboy persona was a fool. 

The ringing of his cell phone pulled Gibbs from his reflections. Initially tempted to hurl it at the wall, years as an agent and team lead made him answer. 

“Yeah, it’s Gibbs.”

“Hello, son.” Jackson Gibbs’ normally gruff voice sounded tinny over the phone. “How’s Tony?”

“Home. Didn’t want me around.” Jethro nearly flinched. He sounded like a lovesick kid. Much more of that and his dad would be asking different questions. More personal ones.

“No one wants to be seen when they’re vulnerable, Leroy. You know that better than anyone.” After a short silence on both sides, Jackson continued, “He remember any of the missing time yet?”

“Nope. Docs think it’s gone for good.” Jethro rubbed a hand over his chest, trying to ease the ache even though he knew all too well it wasn’t physical.

“Son… listen—“

“Dad, don’t—“

“Leroy, a parent knows their child. I know you love Tony and not just as a friend or brother or however you convince other people. Given the way I’ve seen him look at you, I’m guessing it’s mutual. Am I right?”

“And if you are?” Jethro challenged.

“Dammit, I’m not judging you!” the older man growled. “You’re so quick to jump on anything I say. You can never just listen!”

Gibbs clenched his jaw shut; he didn’t want to fight. He took a breath then let it out before saying, “Okay. You’re right, Dad. It’s mutual.”

“Thanks, Son.” Knowing better than to push his luck, Jackson quickly moved on. “Take it from an old man, a love like that is worth fighting for. I’ve never known you to run.

“What am I supposed to fight? He doesn’t remember, Dad! Don’t you get it? He doesn’t remember us… like that.” Words were Tony’s strong suit, not his. 

“So? You won him over the first time. You can do it again,” Jackson enthused.

“You think I pursued him?” Jethro shook his head, even knowing his father couldn’t see it. “He’s my subordinate, Dad. If I’d been wrong, he could have filed sexual harassment charges. I had to wait for him to make the first move.”

Jackson went silent for several moments, trying to imagine his son as the pursued. Then again, he’d bet his store that those women had been the aggressors, too. And all of that was neither here nor there…

“Leroy, I’m going to ask another question. You don’t have to answer out loud, just know it in your head. Ready?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No, smartass.” Jackson took a breath, obviously trying to calm himself. “Now, do you love Tony? Really love him, like you did with Shannon? If the answer is yes, you owe it to both of you to show that man what he’s lost. Just remember, this time you know how Tony feels. There’s no guesswork in it. Tony hasn’t lost his love for you, Son. He’s only lost the knowledge that you love him, too. That there’s more than a possibility of being together. That’s what you need to show him.”

“You make it sound easy,” Jethro grumbled.

“And you make it sound like going before a firing squad would be better!” Jackson snapped back. He took a calming breath, then said, “If the risk outweighs the rewards… if you’re really afraid of losing his friendship, then don’t do anything. But I can guarantee you, he won’t let it lie, Son. He’s a smart man and even if he never gets those memories back, the feelings are still there. He’ll put two and two together and wonder why you didn’t say or do anything. Might be too late by then.”

“Night, Dad.” As Jethro powered off his phone, uncertainty and a rare thread of fear swirled in his gut. 

~~~~~

Ducky didn’t look up from the forensic journal he was reading as the automatic door to autopsy was triggered. Given the early hour it really could only be one person.

“Good morning, Jethro! To what do I owe the pleasure of such an early visit?” he greeted his friend.

Jethro grunted his own form of greeting as he walked around the room.

Mallard remained focused on his reading, sure Gibbs would soon make the reason for his presence known. After several silent minutes, however, he looked up to find the other man standing in front of the darkened x-ray display, his expression as close to lost as Ducky could remember.

“Jethro?” he called. 

Gibbs turned in his direction, shook his head minutely and leaned against the nearest unoccupied autopsy table. “Think I’ve screwed the pooch, Duck.”

The M.E. scowled in distaste. “I’ve never cared for that particular term, Jethro. It brings to mind—“ 

“I lied to Tony.” There. He’d said it. Didn’t make it hurt any less.

“Why?” There was no condemnation in the other’s man tone, merely curiosity. 

Gibbs explained about visiting Tony the other night and how he had stayed for a while after giving him Vance’s news, ending with Tony’s question about his recent behavior and his parting comment.

“Oh, Jethro…you may well be right about ‘screwing the pooch’,” Ducky lamented. “Anthony is normally a very forgiving man but even he has limits.”

“I know.” Gibbs shook his head. “This is exactly why I created Rule 12 in the first place!”

“Love doesn’t play by the rules, my dear boy.” Ducky smiled sadly. “You’d do well to remember that. I suggest you go find a way to extend the olive branch to your young man.”

~~~~~

Tony exited the elevator and headed for his desk. He wasn’t surprised the rest of his team wasn’t present yet. According to Abby, Ziva had come back late last week but would be on desk duty for quite a while. McProbie was still getting occasional headaches so Ducky had him on desk duty too. 

Great, Tony thought wryly. The only one fit for duty is Gibbs. We’ll be on cold cases for weeks.

“DiNozzo! Good to see you back, man!” Team lead Chris Balboa came over and clapped Tony on the shoulder. 

Other agents heard the greeting and made their way over to DiNozzo’s desk, welcoming him back. 

Uncomfortable with the attention, Tony waved casually at them then slung his backpack behind his desk. He barely avoided knocking over a large cup of coffee. Thankful it had a lid, he grabbed it before it fell over. Raising it closer to his face, he inhaled and closed his eyes to savor the scent. Hazelnut latte. He hadn’t had one in … hell, he couldn’t even remember. Not that it had anything to do with his amnesia; it just wasn’t something he usually drank at home. 

He took a quick look at McGee’s and Ziva’s desks. Nope, no coffee there. So who the hell--? His first thought was Gibbs which he discarded just as quickly. The older man didn’t consider anything but black coffee to be real coffee and always gave Tony shit about his own choice of coffee. 

Maybe McGee or Ziva, but there had been so sign of either of the younger agents so far. Growing more suspicious, he took a very small sip, fully expecting it to be spiked with any manor of noxious liquid payback. 

A flick at the back of his head, far lighter than the usual headslap, still had Tony flinching. He looked up as his boss strode over to his desk and sat down. 

“Morning, boss! Good to be back, boss.” Tony gave the other man his most winning smile. 

Gibbs didn’t look up from his computer. “It’s not spiked.”

“No! Of course… er, that is—“ Giving up, Tony snapped his mouth shut. It wasn’t often he really lost his cool around Gibbs. He could feel his face heating up with embarrassment. 

If Gibbs noticed, he gave no sign. Keeping his eyes focused on his computer, he said, “Shouldn’t have walked out like that the other night. If anyone knows what it’s like, it’s me. Door’s open for you.”

Tony swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. If he felt warmed by Gibbs’ unaccustomed near-apology and caring offer, well, there was no one present to catch it.

~~~~~

“I told you, Ziva. I don’t remember.” Tony’s voice held the over-patient tone of a man who had answered the same question for the umpteenth time. 

“Really, Tony…I think you are trying to pull a long one on us all,” Ziva accused, leaning her hands on DiNozzo’s desk and staring accusingly at him. 

McGee inhaled his sip of coffee and wheezed out a strangled laugh at her latest mangled metaphor, just managing to set his cup down to avoid spilling it. He coughed several times to clear his throat before resting his weight against the side of his desk facing DiNozzo.

“I think he’s trying to dodge a girlfriend, Ziva. After all, I’ve never heard of a case of amnesia that was so specific, have you?”

Tony swallowed his growl of annoyance. He was missing weeks of memories, good and bad, and these two had been making light of it since coming in to the office. Plastering his biggest shark smile on his face, DiNozzo turned but whatever he had planned to say died as Gibbs stood up.

“McGee! Ziva! Get back to that cold case. I didn’t see any report of injuries affecting your eyes.” He glared at them until they got the point and retreated to their desks. With a nod, Gibbs said, “Going for coffee.”

~~~~~

To Tony’s relief, his teammates left him alone for the rest of the day except for case related discussions. He knew it had to do with the looks sent his way by Gibbs; knew McGee and Ziva had to have noticed too. 

Gibbs had always been protective of his team, especially on the rare occasions when all of them ended on the injured list. This seemed different. Hell, Gibbs seemed different. If pressed, Tony would have to say Gibbs was worried about him above and beyond his concern for his team. 

The thought stirred something in Tony’s memory. Knowing now was not the time to focus on it, he tucked it away for later consideration. 

~~~~~

“Boss, I think I’ve found the connection!”

“You think, McGee?” Gibbs didn’t look up from his report. “Or you know?”

“Petty Officer Pheffer had a second e-mail account,” McGee explained. “We never found any trace of it on his home computer because he only accessed it from an internet café downtown.”

Tony picked up his phone. “Calling the café. Hopefully they keep records.”

McGee continued tapping keys on his computer. “I’ll see about tracing the card he used to pay for the access.”

“I will call Legal to let them know we might need a search warrant,” Ziva chimed in.

“Not us. We’re off rotation for a while.” Gibbs held out his hand for the file and McGee turned it over, watching as the boss strode off in the direction of Balboa’s team. 

When Gibbs returned five minutes later, he gave a curt nod. “Good job. Go home, people.”

As usual Tony pretended to still be working on a report as the two younger agents left. He was aware of Gibbs coming around and standing next to his desk but continued to type.

“Got a steak marinating. More than enough for two.”

That made Tony pause. Hoping his voice sounded steady, he said, “Trying to make me jealous, Boss?” He turned to study Gibbs and caught the tail end of an odd expression on the other man’s face. 

“Be a shame to waste it, that’s all.” Gibbs shrugged then headed back to his own desk, pulling out his gun and badge. 

Still trying to identify that look, Tony hastily stood and said, “Yeah, it would. Do I have time to go home and change?” 

“One hour, DiNozzo,” Gibbs said, heading for the elevator. “A minute later and your steak feeds the damned porch cat.”

~~~~~

“That was so good,” Tony sighed, placing his plate on the coffee table in front of the couch. “Can’t remember the last time I had steak like that.” 

Gibbs remembered all too well. It had been a week after Tony recovered from the stomach bug. Their relationship had been so new and they had sat on the couch after dinner, making out like teenagers. He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and blinked several times, frustrated that his body was betraying his emotions. 

“Boss? Gibbs?” Tony laid a hand on his arm, squeezing gently. 

Shit. DiNozzo knew him too well, even before they were lovers. He had to find a way to turn the conversation. 

“When I woke up the second time and saw your faces—“ Gibbs shook his head. Even now it was hard to talk about. “They told me I knew you all. Worked with you. Could have fooled me.”

Tony looked away, blowing out a long breath. “I’m an ass. Here I am moaning about losing a few lousy weeks when you’ve lost so much more.”

“Hey!” Gibbs had to fight not to yell. “This isn’t a competition, Tony. I wasn’t trying to compare anything. Just saying I know what it feels like when you lose time.”

“Yeah, okay. I get it.” DiNozzo picked at the label on his beer bottle. “Something good could have happened during those weeks. Like…I might have finally met the love of my life and got married, you know? Except that no one has come forward to claim me. No surprise there, right?” 

Gibbs hated the bitter laugh. He wanted to pull Tony into his arms and kiss him and assure him yes, he had found the love of his life. But he knew he couldn’t. He could feel Tony’s gaze on him. Christ, he had to pull himself together but with Tony in the room it was damned near impossible. 

“Gibbs, do you know someth—“

The chirping of a cell phone startled them both. Realizing it was his own, Gibbs pulled it out of his pocket and growled, “Yeah, it’s Gibbs.”

Tony’s mind wandered, still pondering Gibbs’ odd reactions throughout the night. Hell, the day, really. Every time he tried to ask the man what was going on, Gibbs deflected. That was typical. What wasn’t typical was the topics used to deflect. There was definitely something going on. 

“That was Balboa. They caught our cold case guy. Stuck him in holding. Says he’s more than happy to leave the interrogation to us.” Gibbs grinned with satisfaction and raised his beer to Tony, who followed suit. 

“It’s late. I’d better head home,” Tony said. In truth, he didn’t want to leave, but he wasn’t going to overstay his welcome either. 

“You’ve had two beers,” Gibbs said. “Guest room’s made up.”

Tony wanted to protest, after all he hadn’t finished the second beer, but Gibbs had invited him over, and now had invited him to stay. Still, he couldn’t appear too eager. 

“I’ll have to stop by my place in the morning.”

“Think one of your suits and a shirt or two are hanging in the closet.” Gibbs took their plates to the kitchen. 

Tony followed, carrying the beer bottles. He rinsed them and placed them in the recycling barrel just outside the back door. 

“Thanks, Gibbs.”

“Yep.”

Later, as Tony dropped off to sleep, he found himself wondering why he had a suit and more than one shirt here. Never in the times he had stayed here could he remember leaving more than a set of sweats or jeans and a tee shirt or sweatshirt. It wasn’t enough to keep him awake though and he soon drifted off. 

~~~~~

The team was in their second week of cold cases and Tony was bored. Beyond bored, verging on ADHD, actually. He didn’t understand why he and Gibbs couldn’t go out into the field on their own, as they had when he’d first started working with Gibbs. 

Okay, yeah, they were a four-person team now. He and Gibbs were the senior agents. Couldn’t risk both of them getting hurt or worse, killed. Like that hadn’t already happened?

Deciding for a change of scenery, Tony grabbed a file and said to the room at large, “Heading to see Ducky. Maybe he can put things in a different perspective for me.”

“What perspective?” Ziva growled unhappily. “This case doesn’t even have a body.”

“You forgetting Ducky’s other specialty, Agent David?” Gibbs calmly asked. “I can always assign different cases. Give you a nice juicy body.”

Tony snickered as he headed for the stairs and jogged down to Ducky’s office. 

To his relief, the senior M.E. was alone and there were no bodies on the tables when he walked in. 

“No ‘body’ loves you today, Duck?” Tony asked, emphasizing the word.

Dr. Mallard chuckled, catching the word play. “’Tis a mixed blessing, dear boy, for it means there have been no murders or untimely deaths in the past 24 hours and yet it allows no excuse for me not to get to these reports.”

Tony nodded, leaning against one of the tables. 

“What’s on your mind, Tony? Is that file for me?” Duck asked, pointing at the folder Tony had brought with him.

“This? Nah.” Shaking his head, Tony hopped up on the table, swinging his legs restlessly. 

“Ah. I take it this visit is more of a personal nature, then?” The M.E. narrowed his eyes. “You aren’t still getting headaches?”

“No, nothing like that! It’s not physical,” DiNozzo insisted. “It’s not even me I’m here about.”

Upon hearing that, Ducky relaxed. Knowing one couldn’t rush Tony into speaking, he said, “Join me in a cup of tea, won’t you?”

There was a comfortable silence between the men as the M.E. prepared two cups of hot tea. He handed one to Tony then returned to his seat. Closing his eyes, Ducky breathed in the aroma before taking a sip.

Tony followed suit. “This is good, Ducky. Thanks.” 

“You’re quite welcome. Now, are you ready to share what’s troubling you, dear lad?”

After finishing up his tea, DiNozzo carefully cradled the empty cup, staring at it as if mesmerized. 

Knowing the man was likely trying to find words, Ducky didn’t press. He was rewarded just a couple minutes later. 

“It’s Gibbs,” Tony finally blurted out. “There’s something different about him ever since…”

When it was obvious Tony wasn’t going to continue, the older man quietly asked, “Since you woke from the coma?”

“Yeah.” DiNozzo found he couldn’t meet Ducky’s gaze as he continued, “I catch him watching me when he thinks I won’t notice. One minute he acts like he understands but then the next he’s…” Tony growled in frustration, trying to describe Gibbs’ behavior. “It’s like he’s furious, but he’s using it to cover for something else.”

“Something else? Can you explain?” Ducky hoped his voice didn’t give him away. Oh, Jethro, you should have told him from the start! Anthony is too good an investigator not to suspect there’s a problem.

Hopping off the autopsy table, DiNozzo wandered through the room, his fingertips briefly touching countertops, tables, anything within reach. Finally he leaned on the furthest table from Ducky, facing the other man. 

“If I had to put a name to it, I’d say he’s sad. Like he gets when he talks about Shanon and Kelly.”

Ducky just managed not to raise his eyebrows. He knew of Jethro’s first wife and daughter; the whole team did now. Never had his friend discussed them, at least not with him. It was a further measure of just how much Jethro trusted Tony; not that there could be any doubt. 

“Loss and grief are powerful emotions, Anthony.”

“Okay, yeah… but what does his past have to do with me?” Tony wondered, frowning.

“That, my dear boy, is something I’m afraid neither of us can answer.”

“Great! Now I’m more confused than I was when I came down here.” Tony huffed out a frustrated sigh. “Thanks anyway, Duck.” He strode out without waiting for a response. 

~~~~~

Gibbs had finished a beer before the hostess approached with his dinner companion. He looked up and grinned.

“I could’ve cooked, Ducky,” he said. 

A distinguished-looking man arrived and after Ducky had placed his order for a glass of wine, he finally acknowledged his friend’s statement. 

“Yes, you cook rather well when it suits you. However, we need to talk and I felt this was a safe enough venue.”

“Safe?” Gibbs frowned, his posture shifting just slightly to make his gun more available. “You in trouble, Duck?”

“No, no! Not at all! But I fear you may have trouble brewing, if action isn’t taken soon.”

“Action? What--?” Jethro huffed out an exasperated breath. “Enough with the code talk. What do I need to take action on?” 

“Anthony.”

“Christ.” Gibbs found himself tempted to walk out but this was Ducky, one of his closest friends. And truthfully, Gibbs could admit to himself that the situation with Tony needed some type of resolution and soon. 

“Oh, not just a suggestion, my friend.” Ducky grinned. “I have a plan.”

~~~~~

The following weekend:

Tony munched on his buttered popcorn, trying to keep his focus on the movie instead of the man sitting to his left. Never in a million years could he have predicted that Leroy Jethro Gibbs would ask him to go to a movie. To top it off, Gibbs had paid for them both before Tony could even reach for his wallet, pointing out his AARP card. 

El Diablo might not have been Tony’s personal choice of movie, but when Gibbs made the invitation he hadn’t been expecting to see anything filmed in the last decade or two. He’d seen it enough times on television; had even owned a VHS copy. Seeing the movie on the big screen somehow made it better, though.

As he concentrated on not watching Gibbs, Tony had a quick flash of déjà vu. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he had been in this situation before. But when? He and Gibbs had watched movies together, sure. But always at Gibbs house, never in the theater. 

“You okay?” Gibbs leaned close to whisper. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” 

With a nod, Gibbs turned his attention back to the movie. 

Once the end credits had begun they both stood, in unison here as much as anywhere. Walking out of the theater, both stopped to enjoy the crisp early winter evening air after the stale environment inside. 

“Hungry?” Gibbs asked, fishing out his keys. He had offered to pick Tony up, saying it was easier to go together than try to find each other at the 14-screen multiplex. 

“I could eat.” Tony grinned. 

“Surprise, surprise,” Gibbs wryly noted. 

Tia Celeste’s was a small, easily missed authentic restaurant where Tony often dined. He liked it because most people tended to head to larger chain eateries like The Olive Garden or Carrabba’s. 

The fact that Gibbs knew the place existed shocked Tony though he struggled to hide it. Gibbs had chosen the movie but clearly had brought them to a restaurant he knew Tony would enjoy. Tony decided to go along with whatever Gibbs had planned.

They bickered good-naturedly over sports as they ate, debating football versus soccer and baseball versus basketball. As they finished up, their server stopped by and left the check. As Gibbs reached for it, Tony couldn’t help tease.

“Gonna pay for that too?” His grin took any sting out of the words.

Gibbs shrugged. “Would. If you’d let me.”

Tony raised his eyebrows in surprise. After taking a moment to collect himself, he managed a shaky laugh. “Okay, but you know that makes this a date, right?” He winked exaggeratedly at Gibbs. 

“Yeah? That supposed to scare me off?”

This time Tony swallowed hard before asking, “What’s going on, Jethro? What’s this all about?”

Gibbs looked around. Though it was late on a Friday evening there were still numerous people out on the street. 

“Not here.” Noticing a park nearby, Gibbs nodded to it and began walking. 

Tony fell into step, holding on to his questions for the moment. 

They walked for fifteen minutes before Tony laid a hand on Gibbs arm, halting him. “Talk to me, Jethro. Something’s been going on for months now and I think I deserve to know what it is.” 

Gibbs jammed his hands into his pockets, his breath fogging in the chill air. After several more long moments, he met Tony’s gaze.   
“Was a time not that long ago we’d have done more than just date, Tony.”

“What? Wait... you’re telling me--” Tony scoffed. “No way, Gibbs. I don’t know why you’d joke about this but no fucking way!”

“Why would I lie about this? There’s nothing to gain” Gibbs gave him a moment. “It started while you were staying with me after Stratton shot you.”

Tony wanted to insist that it had to be a joke but there was no mistaking Gibbs’ expression. As realization sunk in, anger swept the disbelief away like leaves in a storm. 

“You bastard!” he growled. “All this time you’ve known how I felt and yet you kept me at arm’s length. That is, when you weren’t busy keeping me close! What the hell, Gibbs?”

“I couldn’t!” Gibbs snapped, his own anger rising fast. “You’re on my team. I wasn’t about to put you in a position where you felt you couldn’t refuse.”

“Well I apparently didn’t refuse the first time!”

“Because I didn’t make the first move!” Gibbs bellowed.

“You… what?” In all of Tony’s dreams and fantasies over the years, when he made the first move he got at the very least head-slapped but more often than not fired, or worse. If he had made the first move, why had Gibbs waited so long to bring it up? He couldn’t have had doubts about Tony’s response. He asked as much.

Calmer now, Gibbs shrugged. “Couldn’t be sure those feelings survived the explosion. And we never had a chance to really talk about… things.” 

“Okay. Doubt my feelings would have changed after all these years, but… okay. I get it.” Tony turned and walked away a few steps before turning back to stare at Gibbs. “Why tell me now?”

There was no hesitation in Gibbs’ answer. “Because I love you; I’m in love with you. Because I’ve lost you more than once and somehow got another chance. Not gonna waste it.” Closing the distance between them, Gibbs reached out and cupped Tony’s cheek then caressed it gently. 

“God, you’re serious,” Tony breathed, awed. “You really do love me.”

“Yeah, I do.” Gibbs stated, his eyes brighter than usual in the light from a nearby park lamp.

“Where does that leave us? Where do we go from here?” 

“Hadn’t thought that far. Except it’s your play,” Gibbs responded. 

“Me? Why me?” Tony was confused.

“Not gonna pressure you, Tony. You’ve been through a hell of a shock. Jumping back into bed together doesn’t feel like the best way to do this.”

Tony nodded, relieved. 

“This is gonna sound dumb as hell, but can I kiss you?”

Gibbs’ answering grin made him look more like a little boy and he reached back to tangle one hand in Tony’s hair and used the other around his waist to pull him closer. The kiss was chaste at first but soon both men were moaning.

“Nice show,” a passing female jogger teased, continuing on her way.

Gibbs and Tony sprung apart, slightly embarrassed at being caught in such a public display. 

Tony found it hard to recover his voice. Gibbs had shocked him tonight. Not only with the date, but with how vocal and certain he’d been with his desire. For a functional mute he’d gone to impressive lengths to win Tony again. 

“Does anyone else know? About us, I mean.” 

Gibbs nodded. “Duck guessed shortly after you woke from the coma. Dunno about my dad, but he knows too. You okay with that?” 

“Yeah, strangely I am.” Tony grinned. Knowing how hard it had been for his lover to bare his emotions as he had proved to Tony how much he was loved. Anyone with objections had no business calling either of them ‘friend’. 

Gibbs still held him tight and after a moment he frowned. “You’re shivering. Let’s get you home.”

Home. Even as he felt emotionally drained, Tony felt astonishingly exhilarated. Sometimes, he mused, dreams do come true.

As they slowly walked back to the restaurant and Jethro’s car, Tony wondered, “Why now?”

“Hmmm?” Jethro wasn’t sure what Tony needed to know. 

“Why pick tonight to tell me about us?” 

Jethro stopped and turned so they faced each other. “Partly because I was waiting… hoping, I guess, for your memory to come back. Partly because a very wise man recently pointed out that it was a relatively short block of time you lost. Just because you didn’t remember us getting together didn’t necessarily mean you’ve forgotten your feelings for me.”

“Ducky!” Tony grinned widely. “I’m going to have to buy him a bottle of good Scotch.”

Gibbs nodded. “Said the only way I’d know was if I took a chance.”

“Glad you did.” Leaning forward, Tony stole a quick kiss. 

“Yeah,” Jethro agreed. Turning serious, he said, “I missed you, Tony. Every day I’d see you at work, and think of time spent together at home. A second later it would hit me that you didn’t remember any of it.”

“It must have been hell. We’ll just have to create new memories. Better ones,” Tony insisted. 

Tired of words, Jethro pulled Tony into a tight hug, reassured by his partner’s equally rib-threatening embrace.

~~~~~

Three weeks later:

“Hey Jethro! Come look at this one!” Tony called out.

Gibbs headed in the direction of his partner’s voice, finding him two aisles over. Tony was grinning widely as he examined the merchandise and Jethro had to bite back a groan. Of course it was a bed. One meant for a boat. 

The whole trip had sprung up after Gibbs had shared with Tony his plan to build a seaworthy boat with a sleeper cabin. Tony had immediately started looking at furnishings, despite Gibbs’ warning that it would be years before the boat saw water. 

This fact hadn’t dampened Tony’s enthusiasm at all. In fact, he had Googled “boat shows”, claiming if Gibbs was going to build another boat, then he, Tony, was going to learn how to help him. That is, if his partner was willing to teach him.

The following morning, Tony had surprised him with the tickets to the Baltimore Boat show. The overnight stay in an expensive hotel had been more of a surprise. They decided to leave from work on Friday evening, since Jethro had wanted to get there when the doors opened. Years of experience had taught him the earlier one arrived the better the selection. He figured they would stay at a budget motel so he nearly refused the luxury suite in the Harbor Plaza Hotel. One look at Tony’s expression, so pleased and full of anticipation, made him decide it wasn’t that big a deal. After all, it was only the one night. They would head home after they left the show, probably stopping to eat somewhere along the way. 

Gibbs had his own idea about that. He had taken out two steaks the night before, setting them on dishes then pouring marinade over them before putting them in the fridge. Tony loved cowboy steak and Jethro was partial to it as well. Why buy what could be made at home, after all. 

As Gibbs met up with Tony and examined the bed, he was surprised to find it was economical in function and design. After taking some measurements he realized it wouldn’t fit the dimensions he had planned but the representative assured him they did custom jobs, as well. 

Jethro looked at his watch, surprised to find that it was nearly 5:00 p.m. already. The doors had opened at 10:00 a.m. and they’d been in the first crowd of people to get in. Had they really spent all day walking the convention hall? Looking around, he realized they had, as he saw familiar displays. None of the exes had ever considered indulging his fascination with woodworking, let alone bothered to encourage him. Something of his thoughts must have shown in his expression and Tony got just close enough to be heard.

“You okay?”

“Fine. You about ready to head out? Think we’ve seen everything at least once.” His grin hopefully assured his lover that he had enjoyed it. 

Tony’s answering grin set his mind at ease.

~~~~~

Once they had navigated out of the parking lot, Gibbs asked, “How hungry are you?”

“I could eat.”

“You can—“

“—always eat, I know! You tell me enough times.” There was no heat in the griped words, though. After a few moments passed, Tony prodded, “What’d you have in mind?”

“Cowboy steaks, baked potatoes, salad maybe.” Jethro looked over at his lover. “Could stop and get you something to soothe the savage beast, if you need to.”

“Nah, I’m good,” Tony said, motioning towards the road ahead. 

~~~~~

They fell into a comfortable silence once Tony had directed them out of Baltimore. Gibbs had a talk station on so Tony leaned back and closed his eyes. 

He had been jittery about the trip once Jethro had suggested they drive in on Friday night and stay somewhere in Baltimore. He hadn’t spent the night at Jethro’s since… well, since the bombshell revelation a few weeks ago. 

They had gone on numerous dates which had always ended with kissing and sometimes even a marathon make-out session but it had never progressed further. Jethro’s restraint amazed him. It also went a long way to reassuring him the other man was in this for far more than sex. 

He wished he could remember the missing time. It still amazed him that he had initiated their relationship. Then again, he couldn’t remember a time he hadn’t cared for Gibbs; he had always sought the chance to spend time with the man, even if it was just watching him build his latest project. He felt safe in the other man’s presence and it was more than physical safety: he could let his guard down and Jethro wouldn’t judge. 

There was no doubt he loved Jethro. Period. Any hesitation he had about being physical with his lover was long gone now. He just didn’t know how to bring up the subject. After all, it wasn’t something one just blurts out and it had never been an issue in any of his past relationships. 

Then again, Jethro wasn’t just any relationship. He was the person Tony loved, more than he’d loved anyone. 

With that certainty, Tony decided tonight was going to be The Night. He grinned, imagining various scenarios and how they would play out. 

Jethro’s stare made him twitch and he looked over. His lover’s puzzled expression made him grin even wider. 

He wondered how wrong it was to be disappointed that Gibbs wouldn’t ask. 

~~~~~

Tony carried the plates, silverware and beer bottles into the kitchen, where Jethro was running hot water into the sink. 

“You cooked. I’ll clean up,” Tony offered. 

Jethro shrugged. “Not that much. Quicker to split it.”

Once they were finished, Tony grasped Gibbs’ arm and pulled him into a hug, releasing him after several moments to kiss him deeply. 

“Thanks,” he whispered, when they finally parted.

“For what?” Jethro wondered.

“Being you. Having the guts to tell me about us. Loving me.” Tony shrugged. “Take your pick.”

Leaning forward, the other man claimed his own kiss.

Tony quickly took control, this time deepening it. He pulled Jethro close, one hand caressing the soft, silver hair and the other possessively palming the fine, tight ass. 

Gibbs was the one who drew back this time. Both men were panting slightly. 

“Shit, Tony… keep that up and I might have to break my promise to let you make the first move.”

“It’s about time,” his lover retorted. 

They kissed again, hands bumping hands as they struggled to unbutton and remove shirts in an effort to get at bare skin. 

“God, I want you so much,” Tony whispered, nipping Jethro’s earlobe. 

“I’d ask if you’re sure but I think I already know the answer,” Gibbs teased, palming Tony’s hard cock.

“Ahh! Christ, if you keep that up, I’m going to embarrass myself.”

“Can’t have that.” Gibbs took a step back.

“Jethro—“

“Shhh… not going anywhere. Just want to ask a question.” He dropped a quick kiss on Tony’s lips, then said, “Before the explosion. You remember how you felt? About me?”

Tony nodded. Those memories, at least, were intact.

“Ever have fantasies? Things you’d like me to do to you? Or… do to me?” Gibbs voice was low and rough with desire. 

“Yeah… yeah. Quite a few, actually.”

“Pick one.” Jethro knew he was taking a risk. He didn’t think Tony was really kinky but they hadn’t been lovers all that long. 

That sent a bolt of lust straight to Tony’s cock and he had to reach down to re-adjust himself. Shit, how was he ever going to hold off long enough for what he wanted. 

“I want you,” he finally whispered. “I want to be in you. Fucking you. Long and slow, until you can’t even remember your name any more.”

A frisson of fear chased down Jethro’s spine. He had barely any experience with men, and absolutely none as a bottom but this was Tony, the man he trusted on and off the job. The man he loved absolutely.

“C’mere,” he said, pulling Tony into a kiss. “Let’s take this upstairs.”

As they passed through the hallway to the front of the house, Gibbs stopped to turn the deadbolt on the door. He grinned at Tony’s shock.

“Never said it didn’t work. Just don’t use it.”

~~~~~

Once in the bedroom, Jethro turned on a small lamp on the nightstand before closing the door behind them. He turned to find Tony standing uncertainly in the middle of the room.

“Hey, you sure you want to do this?” he asked, gently tapping Tony’s chin twice. “I can wait as long—“

“No! I’m done waiting,” Tony insisted. “It’s just… Ah hell. The first time getting undressed with a lover is… unnerving sometimes.”

Gibbs nodded. Even though it wasn’t their first time, really, it felt like that to Tony. And, if he was honest, it was his first time with Tony, in a way. The difference being that he had been the pursuer.

“Undress me,” he quietly commanded. 

Closing the distance, Tony reached out and pushed the plaid shirt from broad shoulders. Next, he unfastened the leather belt, slowly easing it out of the loops and setting it aside on the dresser. 

Gibbs took the moment to kick off his boots, not wanting to worry about them later, when they would be thinking other things. He stood up straight again, arms at his sides, waiting for Tony to proceed. 

“So strong.” Tony reached out again, running a hand down Gibbs’ shoulder to his hand, entwining their fingers. With his other hand, he traced his index finger down the center of Gibbs’ chest. He watched with fascination as the nipples reacted, their points just showing under the white tee shirt. 

Gibbs sucked in a breath as Tony let go of his hand and pulled the tee shirt up, forcing his arms up. It was off in a single smooth move and tossed aside. Tony took his time exploring new territory, mapping scars and tracing muscles. 

“You’re a bit overdressed, aren’t you?” Jethro rasped. 

“Hmmm. Gonna do something about that?” 

Gibbs had the advantage of memory, and had Tony stripped in almost no time. The younger man blinked, then grinned. 

“You cheat!”

“How is that cheating?” Jethro asked, exasperated. 

“It just is,” Tony pouted. 

Gibbs shook his head fondly. This was one of many reasons he’d fallen for Tony. The younger man made him laugh, often and out loud. That humor had been missing for a long, long time.

“Now, where were we? Hmmm…. Right about here, I think.” Tony unfastened Jethro’s jeans and hooked his thumbs in the waistband, making sure to snag the briefs as well. He shimmied them down the muscled thighs, going to his knees in the process. 

“Tony—“ Jethro knew the glory of a DiNozzo blowjob, but he wasn’t certain Tony would be comfortable giving one now.

Tapping behind one knee then the other, Tony helped his lover step out of the pants then tossed them in the general direction of the shirt. He briefly met Jethro’s gaze then leaned forward and took the rock-hard dick in his mouth. Backing off slowly, he lapped lightly at the drop of pre-come at the tip.

“Jesus fuck,” Gibbs growled. He badly wanted to toss Tony on the bed and fuck him blind but tonight was Tony’s show. His eyes slammed shut as he felt Tony’s hand cup his ass, caressing it.

As quickly as he’d begun, Tony backed off and stood up. He kissed Gibbs, teasing with his tongue until Gibbs opened his mouth to him. They stood chest to chest, arms wrapped around each other. 

The sweet friction of skin on skin was slowly driving Gibbs insane. He couldn’t be sure but this felt more intense, stronger even, than what he and Tony had shared before. 

Tony broke the kiss, whispering, “Shit, I’m glad you got your head out of your boat long enough to pursue me.”

Gibbs chuffed out a soft laugh. And there it was again. That ability to make him laugh at the most unexpected time. 

“The payoff will be even better,” Jethro promised, gently grasping Tony’s cock and fisting it. “Didn’t you have a plan for this?”

“Pushy bottom, hmmm? Guess I should have known.” Tony walked Jethro backwards until his knees hit the bed. Gibbs let gravity take him and collapsed backwards, hiking himself up to the headboard.

He watched as Tony climbed on to the bed and crawled up to straddle him. It was an odd feeling, letting someone else take control but because it was Tony, he could relax. 

“Lube? Condoms?”

“Nightstand.” Gibbs reached out, but found his hand gently batted away.

Tony grabbed the items and settled back over Jethro, kissing and nipping a path along his jaw. 

“Gonna fuck you now,” he whispered. “Gonna take my time, but it’s going to be uncomfortable first. You ready?”

The soft voice, the whisper of air over his ear, along with the mental image, all had Gibbs on a trigger-edge. 

“Just do it, dammit! And if you say pushy bottom one more time—“

Chuckling softly, Tony shifted to the side, facing Gibbs. He then rolled his lover to face him and tapped his upper thigh. “Bend this up for me.”

 

Jethro complied, trying to ignore his racing heartbeat. If Tony noticed, he thankfully made no comment.

Tony squirted a generous amount of lube in his hand, letting it warm a bit before reaching around to Jethro’s hole. He circled around it several times, spreading the lube and also trying to get his lover to relax a little. When he felt some of the tension ease, he slipped a finger just inside, pausing to gauge Jethro’s reaction. 

“You waiting for applause?” Jethro snapped. 

“I haven’t yet done anything to gain applause.” Tony used his most snobby voice. Taking advantage of his lover’s distraction, he added a second finger, stopping when Jethro grunted. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Just…different.” 

By the time Tony added a third finger, Gibbs was loose enough for him maneuver just enough for him to find that magic spot. 

“Goddamn, Tony!” Jethro’s hips jerked forward and his cock leaked a stream of pre-come. 

“Oh, that’s only the beginning, lover,” Tony growled. He kept scissoring gently with his fingers, making sure Jethro was relaxed enough to accept him. “Gotta back off for a couple minutes.”

Jethro gave a strangled groan at the odd feeling and suddenly Tony was behind him. 

“This position okay for you?”

“Yeah, think so.” Gibbs only complaint was that being on his side meant he couldn’t see Tony’s face when he came.

He could hear the sound of a condom packet opening and then the snick of the lube bottle. He didn’t even think to tense up this time. 

Tony was right. It was uncomfortable, at first. The feeling of being filled set him off-balance for a minute. 

“You okay?” Tony whispered, freezing in place. 

“Just… getting used to it.” After a moment, Gibbs pushed back a bit, gasping as Tony slid deeper into him. Christ Almighty! 

Tony groaned at the tight heat surrounding him. He knew, despite his intentions, he wasn’t going to last long. Luckily it didn’t seem like Jethro would either. 

He slowly rocked in and out of his lover’s body, searching for the perfect angle. Gibbs was swearing out a litany that would make any sailor proud, and Tony grinned. This… this was exactly what he’d fantasized about when he thought of making love to Jethro. No hearts and flowers, they weren’t like that. 

“So close,” Jethro panted, now rocking back to meet Tony’s thrusts.

Tony knew he was even closer, but he wasn’t going to come until he had-- He shifted one more time, and felt the shudder race through Jethro’s body even as the other man came with a howl of surprise.

Jethro, still trying to regain his senses, felt Tony thrust a few more times before he froze and yelled Gibbs’ name. He registered the odd sensation of Tony’s cock softening, and grunted when Tony carefully eased out of him. 

“You all right?” Even in his half-daze, Gibbs heard Tony’s concern. 

“Just… miss you already.” It felt odd to admit, but it was true. 

Tony leaned down and kissed him on the temple. “Be right back.” 

~~~~~

Tony leaned on the sink, studying his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He looked well and truly fucked out, although this time he had been the one doing the fucking. It still amazed him that Jethro had allowed him to do it. 

He took care of the bare essentials for himself, then grabbed a washcloth and ran it in warm water. Grabbing a towel off the rack he took both into the bedroom. Sitting on the bed next to his lover, he leaned down, surprised when Jethro turned his head and accepted the sloppy kiss. 

“You okay? I didn’t hurt you?” Tony dropped the towel and washcloth on the floor. He’d get them later.

“I’m not fragile, Tony. And you were careful.” Drawing his lover down for another kiss, Gibbs whispered, “Thanks. I wouldn’t have trusted anyone else to do that. Doubt I’d have enjoyed it as much either.”

Tony spooned behind Jethro, wrapping an arm around his waist and rubbing his stomach lightly. He dropped a kiss on the nape of Jethro’s neck, whispering, “I love you. Thanks for letting me show you how much.”

“Love you, too.”

As he dropped off to sleep, Tony couldn’t help but marvel at how things had come full circle. While he hadn’t fallen in love with some mystery woman and gotten married during his block of missing time, he had started one of the most important relationships of his adult life, and lost it. Now he had it back, and unless he misread things, he and Jethro were stronger than ever. 

 

~~ fin ~~


End file.
